Yeah, yeah. I can hear the spluttering and bleating of lazy, cliche-spewing football writers from here to Belo Horizonte. What about the Samba Kings, the beautiful game played at its finest, the artisans of football? Yeah, what about them? The fuckers haven't been seen in a World Cup since 1970, so what the fuck does that have to do with Brazil? The Samba Kings died with Pele. Dunga wouldn't have had him in his side. He wouldn't have been much chop in a 6-4-0.
My beef with Brazil is about pretence over contents. The acres of wank-stained fluff printed about them as the guardians of football as it should be played, not to mention endless masterbatorial Nike-swooshed advertorial content (which, it could be argued, cost them the 1998 final re the stress-related munting of Fat Ronaldo) is directly and inversely proportional to the quality of football they've played in the last 40 years.In the tournaments they've won, they've been just as dull, pragmatic and soulless as Italy or Germany, but at least they aren't lying to people about it. Brazil in 1994 were hideous to watch, they made a Bobby Baggio-led Italy look like 11 Cristiano Ronaldos. Brazil in 2002 were nothing more than the last men standing, only having to see off a munted, Ballack-less Krauty enterprise to take the cheese. In South Africa, the only teams to bust out anything remotely reminiscent of 'samba football' have been the Argies in the group stages, and maybe the Uruguayans, who only seem to turn up and play at world cups every 20 years (1990 was the last time they went alright, 1970 they made the semis, won 1950, won 1930.) Certainly not a dour, defensive Dunga-led Brazil. Even reclusive, media shy former great Pele broke his decades of media silence to comment on the traitorously negative tactics employed by the soon-to-be-former Brazil coach and dullard-in-chief of the 1994 lineup.
The other fucking annoying thing about Brazil is that they're invariably the team of bandwagon-jumping fuckwits who know arse all about football, apart from what they've read about the Samba Kings Of Football etc etc etc. Forty years ago, that was the case. Maybe even 30 years ago, with the showy-but-eventually-shite '82 side of Socrates, Garrincha and various other improbably named cavaliers.
But these days the definining memory of Brazilian football, for me at least, is Rivaldo in '98, responding to an innocuous ball kicked at his ankles by grabbing his face and throwing himself to the ground. Diving, cheating, showboating, overfluffed arsehats.Get the fuck out of my tournament.
Right that's my flimsy justification for laughing like a bastard at the Dutch stuffing the Selecao. We all have teams, sides, individuals who we'd rather see faceplant off a bungy tower than see the finish line first. The World of Bollocks asks today: who do you hate, and more to the point, why do you hate 'em? Interested in the justification here. "Just because they're fuckin' Manly," while accurate, isn't really what we're looking for.
The Doctor is OUT. Like Brazil. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
10 comments:
I'll kick this off. I hate Lewis Hamiltron because he was invented by sponsors, fluffed endlessly by wankers, and in motorsport terms was born with a silver conrod up his arse. I hate Man U, because I'm standing up, and I hate Manly, erm, just cos they're Manly.
Conversely, I hate the Netherlands football team right now. Mainly because their win and probable slot in the final will be used as justification by FFA that the Dutch experiment was the right one and we'll be forced to endure yet another tenure from an arrogant Dutch fuck who spends his time telling us we're shit and have no hope. And taking this piss out of our A League. Simply - we just don't need it: we can take the piss out of our A League just fine.
Oranje Boven!!
Btw, who is this Albion Love Den?
Ehh I dont really hate anyone left in the tourney but I guess Im barracking against Argentina because they'd have to be favorites now and love an underdog to win. More broadly it'd be good to see a Non South American team win it because I'm so sick of all the SA's on the soccer forum I frequent talking so much shit. On that note drank some sweet sweet brasilian tears this morning. mmm
Also, Rivaldo.
More specifically I hate Carlton. Fucking cheating underhanded c#nts won the 1995 flag with a team that was so over the salary cap it made the Storm look positively ascetic.
Every asshole who pretended not to care about AFL all of a sudden came out as a Blues fan and were all over it lording in our faces. God damn cheating wankers.
I actually like Man U (though I'm a Fulham fan). Its their no idea bandwagon Fans that mostly shit me. Same as I hate Beckham the media personality but am in awe of Beckham the professional footballer.
Least favourite individual in sport right now would have to be ermmm I dunno... can I say Nike?
I think there's a lot in that idea that a team's fans are as much a reason to hate them as anything. Particularly arriviste bandwagoneers. Man U is a perfect example.
I'd like to see Argentina stay in as long as possible because Maradona is a mad, mad individual and his lunacy is enriching the competition. Nike have had the marketing comeuppance of all time with their Wank The Future campaign with not a single one of their TV star twats making the quarters, but it's not as though they give a shit. Too busy counting cash. Re Lance - unfortunately I think you actually have to be a cunt to go through what he did (and continues to) and still be a winner. It'd be difficult to do all that without being necessarily a selfish egotistical arsehole.
And yeah, if the second-rate Dutch technical advisers at the FFA want to use Oranje success at WC2010 as an excuse to palm more Z-grade muppets like Pim onto us, fuck that with a large pointy object.
Two days ago, I would've said "I hate Argentina and can't wait to see them go," but since they're gone, it takes the fun out of it.
So, I guess I'll have to say that I'm looking forward to seeing Germany club Spain like a baby seal. Mostly because Spain fans have been quite obnoxious since Euro 2008, and they deserve to be taken down a notch or two. Once the US loses, I tend to gravitate towards England and Germany (needless to say, I tend to end up cheering for Germany longer).
Teams I hate...Argentina, because I despise Maradona, between the cocaine and the Hand of God. I was quite happy to see Germany pummel them, and even happier to see that they didn't have to try very hard to do so (the only down side was the fact that Argentina made Mueller pick up his second yellow card, which makes me hate Argentina even more).
I also dislike Man U, because I am a Man City fan. That alone should be reason enough.
For N. American sports, I despise all teams that play in Philadelphia, and I have an intense hatred for the NY Rangers hockey team, because I cheer for the New Jersey Devils. The Rangers are one of those teams that use bajillions of dollars to try and buy a championship, with absolutely nothing to show for it.
Well, it looks like the Dutch and the Deutsch in the finals.
Yes, Das Vaterland hasn't won yet, but I think we can all agree that's just a matter of an easy 90 minutes tomorrow.
On the one hand, I want to see my German brethren carry off another victory, but I wouldn't mind seeing the Dutch get some form of glory. Recent glory.
I think based on my tipping track record with this Cup, France is going to win.
Funny thing was most of the Dutchies I know were cheering resolutely for Mannschaft this morning, because they desperately want revenge for '74. I reckon you want whichever side is the softer option, and up until this morning that looked like the Spaniards. Concentrate on winning the fucker first and revenge can follow another day.
I tipped the Krauts by 2 goals. And fucking Uruguay's late comeback bollocksed my Dutch-by-2 pick in the other semi. Just as well I'm sponsoring the competition, wouldn't do to score the winning loot I guess.
Post a Comment