Going the growl

'I was very pleasantly surprised at the quality of the GROWLER'

Erm, good. Because there's nothing more disappointing than substandard growler. Really puts you off your lunch.

The above is by way of introduction to GROWLER Magazine which, it seems, is not a publication along the lines of SWANK, HUSTLER or WET PINK BITS (if it doesn't exist, it should), but is in fact the in-house magazine of the Jaguar XK Enthusiasts Club of Once Great Britain. Probably a fitting name for the owners club magazine given that most XK owners are cunts. If ever there was a car designed from the tyres up to be able to comfortably compensate for even the most miniscule of micropenii, it was the preposterously phallic original XK. There's one which ponces around town near here. Midnight blue. Big rims. Numberplate 'MEYOW'. Draw your own conclusions about the defining characteristics of the owner-operator. I know I have.

This is not to say all Jag owners per se are comparable to genitalia. XK owners aside, they're usually more comparable to antique furniture. Certainly a penchant for highly polished walnut burr and leather is a given; travelling about the manor in a Jag has up until very recently closely resembled the experience of reposing in a mobile sitting room. The tweed jacket and pipe image has done for Jaguar for many years - in more than one way. However, today's Jaguar sees it pushing the envelope with more polished aluminium and smoked glass than a gentrified Surry Hills pub, more improbably rakish angles than the arsey pool maestro IN said pub, and shame upon shame, INDIAN ownership and governance.

So will Jaguar's new direction and governance result in owners less of the Inspector Morse or Arthur Daley profile?

No idea. Probably not. But it's still got to be better than gluing half-arsed retro fronts on Mondeos and calling it an X-Type.

Right, over to you - what cars do you reckon say more about their owners than about themselves? The twattiness of Saab owners we've already covered off in previous media commitments, of course.

The Doctor is OUT.