Mick Fanning almost won the J-Bay Open overnight.
He was also almost taken by a massive fuck-off shark. On balance he'll probably settle for
a share of the points and the prizemoney, as will fellow finalist Julian Wilson, even if chippy Godbotherer and abject knob Adriano de Souza still gets to keep the number one ranking and the canary yellow shirt into the US swing of what used to be called the ASP World Tour until the branding cunts got to it.
Your Correspondent was watching live up until halfway through the epic Slater-Fanning semi when I
started drifting off - I blame Beeso (we'd just recorded
the Balls Podcast and he has that effect on people). To be fair, it was past midnight on a school night. DVR'd it and the final to
watch later. Not that keen now, particularly. It was only an hour or two previous on the World Surf League live-stream that one of the callers (probably the inveterately beige Peter Mel) was waxing lyrically heroic about the armada of boats stationed off the break, depth-sounders pinging diligently in the search for oceanic threats. And for good reason:
Jeffreys Bay is Great White Central, never more so than right now. Which brings us to the question of why the fuck the newly corporatised and highly professional WSL Samsung Galaxy World Championship Tour is holding events there again. It'd be like pulling down the spectator fences at Roland Garros and packing the bleachers with like-minds of that stabby mate of Monica Seles.
The reason they do, of course, is that it produces fucking excellent surf and is massively popular - particularly among Aussie kids who grew up surfing East Coast point breaks. Nine of the sixteen pro tour events held at J-Bay have been won by Australians; this year's final saw defending champion Fanning of Tweed Heads taking on Fiji Pro runner-up Julian Wilson of Coolum, who'd beaten the Central Coast's Ace Buchan in the semi, who'd beaten NSW South Coast surfers Kai Otton in the quarters and Owen Wright (Fiji Pro champ, he of the
twin perfect rounds) in Round 3. Dropping J-Bay off the tour (as happened for a few years) would take away a competitive advantage for your Fannings, Parkos &c. But if the organisers can't provide a workplace with an acceptable level of risk...
Ay, there's the rub. What's acceptable risk in sport? Sport shouldn't kill people. It's meant to be fun. At the pro level, it's entertainment. It's supposed to be good times. You shouldn't fucking die playing sport. Which brings us to Jules Bianchi, who passed away on the weekend from his injuries sustained in last year's Japanese Formula One Grand Prix at Suzuka. Bianchi made a mistake on a wet track and went off. His mistake was that he didn't button off enough when confronted with a crash scene decorated with double waved yellows. The race organisers' mistake was to park a large yellow JCB in the graveltrap precisely where Bianchi's head ended up, at speed. Bianchi thought he was taking an acceptable risk, based on his understanding of the dangers of the space he was in. However, the race organisers failed in their duty to provide a space in which that level of risk was understood and acceptable; there was no way he could have expected his error of judgement to be punished by ploughing face-first into a tractor. That did not factor into his assessment of acceptable risk.
So goes J-Bay. All surfers know the risk of shark attack, particularly off the east cape, but all pro surfers know there are systems in place that are meant to ensure their safety. It becomes an acceptable risk - if the system works. For whatever reason, yesterday at J-Bay, it didn't; and if the system can't be relied upon, that's an unacceptable risk. I was wondering at the start of the tournament why the women's tour doesn't surf at J-Bay. Now, I'm wondering why anybody does.
What proportion of people who wear hi-vis for a job are total cunts? More than 90%? Give us a call on the hot take hotline
— Dr Yobbo (@DrYobbo) July 19, 2015
