In order of their predicted final league position:
20. Hull City
Have no manager
Or any fucking players
Parachute payment
19. Burnley
Turf Moor, talent less
Short on quality cattle
Can Dave Fishwick play?
18. West Bromwich Albion
His record intact
Pulis will dodge the drop
Will get the arse first
17. Middlesborough
Welcome back Boro
Juninho or White Feather
Would be handy now
16. Swansea City
Boyos at Euros
High on spirit, low on depth
Defence is leeky
15. Bournemouth
Eddie Howe looks twelve
Smaller crowd than Gold Coast Suns
Still, up the Cherries
14. Sunderland
Dave Moyes grits his teeth
Faced with Big Sam's legacy
Chair reeks of pie farts
13. Stoke City
Arsey goals, red cards
Bought wholesale from Barca B
The Prem in '16
12. Watford
Super Hornets fly
New coach fucking hates Jose
Doesn't everyone
11. Crystal Palace
Season of two halves
Fell apart after Christmas
Like off-brand Lego
10. Southampton
Summer clearance sale
Squad and gaffer out the door
Just #TrustTheProcess
9. Everton
Toffees lack the Stones
Koeman thinks himself a giant
Don't get a big head
8. West Ham United
Moved to flash new digs
No wingers left in Europe
Just bought all of them
7. Leicester City
The people's champions
Second verse, same as the first
Can they stay in tune?
6. Tottenham Hotspur
Re-upped their young core
In the hope of not meeting
Saint Totteringham
5. Arsenal
Summer transfers? Nope
Apart from Granite Chucker
Peak Arsenal
4. Liverpool
Klopp's heavy metal:
High voltage, high variance
Not Jazz Odyssey
3. Manchester United
Zlatan will Zlatan
Pog can't play 4-2-3-1
Watch Mou self combust
2. Chelsea
Are out of Europe
Yet depend on skilled migrants
Brexit metaphor
1. Manchester City
All Pep needs is time
A few decent centre-backs
And a warm beanie
