Wherefore hails his ancestry?
Whom does he call the mother country
When he phones home through OTC?
- TISM, 'Machiavelli and the Four Seasons', 1995
Magyarország. Which leaves the other prevailing question about the Special Broadcasting Service's primary football talking head - what the fuck is Les Murray on, and can we have some?
Les - who, let's be unequivocal, is a fucking legend of Australian football - has unutterably detached himself from the plot in the last little while. His Twitter rants have become more and more the rantings of a crazy old man you'd give the swerve to on street corners - a recent one comes to mind which, lightly paraphrased, stated that anyone who didn't enjoy watching Spain's oft-tedious possession-focused short passing game should fuck off and watch rugby instead (riposted elegantly by Lantanaland's Beeso who made the point in response that some of us are actually capable of following and enjoying more than one sport). It's almost as if, sadly, that the loss of Johnny Warren as his compadre and offsider has meant that old mate Laszlo's tendencies towards arrogance and pompousity are no longer reigned in by Captain Socceroo's no-bullshit ways.Anyhoo, to Les' latest imperial pronouncement: that FIFA World Cup 2010 is the best World Cup ever. Yup, one right out of the Juan Antonio Samaranch Big Book of Abject Fucking Nonsense. Les cites in his case the passion of the home fans, New Zealand not losing a game, and... not much else, really. There's not much to be said for this argument but that the media room caretakers clearly need to change the combo lock on the scotch cabinet. Most of the lame arguments put forward by Les probably pertain very well to highly-paid TV hosts on a four-week junket on expenses in a foreign land. But for those of us who had to watch the fucker on TV - which would be the remaining 99.9repeater percent of us - not so fucking much.
Let's look at the roll call. A comedy stunt football with all the predictability of Courtney Love and just as much appeal. Four weeks of teams playing 6-4-0 on pitches resembling the Somme. Lowest group-stage goal average ever, making Italia '90 look watchable by comparison. Those fucking vuvuzelas. More diving than the 10m tower final. Pim Ver Fucking Beek. Those fucking vuvuzelas. Psychic octopi. Septic Bladder refusing to FOAD. Refereeing decisions so poor they make Tim Donaghy look legit. Did I mention the fucking vuvuzelas? And as for the Undefeated NZ All Whites - yeah, it was fun, but they've already been forgotten faster than Winston Reid's Premier League playing hopes, disappeared into an All Black hole of media disinterest by this weekend's opening Tri-Nations rugger clash. Short memories.
Apart from some stubborn misguided pricks.
On the plus side: Brazil didn't win, and neither will the Krauts. Wooo. Spain or the Dutch will make a popular winner. But a good winner, or even a watchable final (far from guaranteed at this point) does not save a shit tournament, bollocksed by dull football, appalling refereeing, and those fucking vuvuzelas. Still #worstWCever.
You can explain why not in the space provided below.
The Doctor is OUT.
12 comments:
It's not the greatest, sure. And I'm not going to sit here and argue the point with someone of your statue (don't get ahead of yourself... I'm just talking about your seemingly photographic memory for sports moments). I've actually really fucking loved this WC. Probably not the greatest, but I've really enjoyed watching the minnows triumph and fail, watching the greats implode, and watching our own game (hopefully) mature and not fall victim in the future to smarmy European coaches hell bent on trying to convince us we're shit.
*stature. I don't think you've been bronzed yet.
Yup, but that's the world cup - they're ever-presents, you can take those things as read that every world cup will have those elements, that there'll be drama, upsets and underdog stories. Even Italia '90, pretty much renown as the worstest evaaarrr of all the worstest WCs, had that - as Neattiicat argued slightly-off-messagely on the original #worstWCever post. It's been fun. And the #worstWCever is still a hell of a lot more fun than no World Cup, or even a comparable event in any other sport - you just don't get the sense that nearly everyone else in the entire world is part of this adventure in anything other than the Olympics, and they're a bit too unfocused due to the scattered nature of the sports played - never the #1 sports of the countries competing, so it always feels like a bit of a parochial navel gazing exercise. The FIFA World Cup is still the only true World Cup, and I'm already trying to figure out what the viewing times are gonna be like for Brazil 2014. But Les is so very, very fucking wrong on the worth or otherwise of *this particular* World Cup, and it's really disappointing to see someone of his statute falling victim to end-of-event perspective-losing headspins the like of which we're usually used to seeing from IOC heads at Olympics closing ceremonies.
I did enjoy the French team ironically going the way of their former colonies in Africa.
So much bitchiness, it was hilarious.
But for the first time it did give a Cephalopod world attention
GC - what's the French translation for schaudenfreude?
Barnes - I'd argue Shark vs Octopus did that in a far more credible way.
And in breaking news, FIFA are trying to bully frail 92 year old Nelson Mandela into turning up for the final, despite the fact he's in mourning for his dead great grandkid. Stay classy, Sepp Blatter. Seriously, it'd be "wonderful" if he died a fucking horrible death sometime between now and 8.30pm SA time tonight.
"But a good winner, or even a watchable final (far from guaranteed at this point) does not save a shit tournament..."
Even failed on that point. Iniesta was player of the match and deserved the winner, but that was the most dire bucket of slop to misguidedly masquerade as international football in many a year.
WORST. WORLD. CUP. EVAAARRRRRR.
I just didn't get into this world cup, maybe cause the start times clashed terribly with my cow milking, or that i'm a great deal more cynical about the EPL than i was eight years ago, but i still admire it as a sporting spectacle and think that Les Murray was no better slagging off rugby than some meathead in a pub calling football a game for poofters.
Now if only our boys could deflate a little bit and hire a coach that suits our temperament i could get excited about Brasil, where the fans will be amazing, no doubt.
Although I harshly criticised your prematurity in the first 3 days to label this the WorstWCever, I now stand corrected. It was for the additional reasons as you mentioned.
1) There was no traditional "triumph of the minnows over the great sporting nations", (a la Rep of Ireland over Italy in '94). The minnows won because the big countries didn't bring any real teams to the Cup. False victory really.
2) Australia didn't go far, so the country lost interest
3)NZ achieved a record, which pissed off the Australians
4)Handballing became the Standard Operating Procedure of every team. (and it started in qualifying too).
5) The umpires sucked. Collina on an off day was better then the majority
6) The stupid Nike Write the Future ad had more flaws then a multi storey car park. Rooney can not out-run Ribery, Cannavaro's number is 5 and always has been, not 6, and Ronaldinho didn't play in the World Cup
7) Cristian Ronaldo surrogate gave birth to his child during the World Cup. That was clearly planned to maximise the media at the time. (Clearly he was using the Castrol liquid engineering as lube, even in cold places).
With that said. I didn't mind the vuvuzuelas.
I enjoyed the World Cup thi stimearound. yeah,yeah,stop howling me down. I have good reason. Santo Sam and Ed each night and by fuck they were good. Their piss take of Masterchef was "Champagne Comedy". You can access it via the SBS web site.Do it. I avoided Les and the increasingly loony Foz. I simply can't stand them any more. As for the rest of the World Cup, what you said. And I'd also add I really hate those fucking vuvuzelas. They've been banned from next summer's Ashes series.Now that's quick thinking, so hats off to Cricket Australia and the ground managements.
Beeso - the thing about Les' comment about rugby was it bore out whichever News Ltd fucktard was mumbling that soccer is only covered in Australia by cheerleaders and extremists. That was as much a 'love it or leave it' statement as anything I've heard from fat white bogans from Ippy. Then again it was one tweet, so we won't take it too far out of context.
Neattii - agree with all that, except the uvulas. It just turned into industrial noise in the end. Cannavaro was in some bastard not-Italy shirt because they couldn't show a rival's jersey (Rooney's Umbro Eng jersey got a run because Nike own Umbro - I now hate Umbro too.)
Therbs - there's been a ban on musical instruments at the cricket for a while, I remember the Barmy Army cracking the shits last Ashes tour because their trumpeter got told to GTFO from the Gabba. Saw the odd ep of Santo's show, but Planet Parenthood (upon which I am presently marooned waiting for backup to return) has conspired against me seeing any more.
http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/dog-shoots-man-in-buttom-in-new-zealand/story-e6freon6-1225891262497
Friend of yours, Doc?
Quok
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