Two, yeah it's another bloody cricket post - one more and I'll talk about something else next time. For the English, it seems, have a new hero. A pace-bowling spearhead with looks and smarts and devastating skillzzz with which they will surely wrest the Ashes from the conniving grasp of the evil pickpocketing bread-thieving convicts once more.
I give you the man, the myth, the legend... Graham Onions.
Now of course I wouldn't want to come over all 2007 on yers, now that I'm all Twittery and ahead-o'-tha-curve an' shit, but Your Correspondent's Facebook (sorry) commentary on the issue ran a bit like this (and to be fair, not all of these were my 11.36pm May 6
Some bloke called Onions is playing for the England test side. Australia have already won the Ashes series.[Josh] Maybe he will make our eyes water and then knock us over? Hussey wouldnt need more than a slice.[Dr Y] Hoping he'll just leek runs instead.[AJ] worst .. joke .. ever ...[Dr Y talking to self hereafter] Well he'll be coming out first or second drop when the Poms resume at seven-for tomorrow morning - we'll see if he can peel a few runs off himself. Don't think he'll be much chop thoughNah he got out first ball. Not sure he has the onions for this gigARRGHHHH the fucker got five-fer and I've already used up all me shithouse onion puns
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/cricket/england/8038 528.stm Though clearly others have dry powder left in the shed - mostly Pommie headline writers:
'Onions tears through Windies'
'First test in the Onions bag for England'
'Onions makes Windies weep'
'Stronger Onions overpower Windies'
'Onions cuts the mustard'
FFS.
To which you can now add:
Onions brought tears to West Indian eyes.
Onions ran rings round the West Indies batsmen.
Onions sizzled at Lord's yesterday.
It's hard cheese and Onions for West Indies.
West Indies found Onions unpalatable.
Strauss knows his Onions.
West Indies got a stuffing with Onions.
Onions put West Indies in a pickle.
Onions cut West Indies off at source.
FFS indeed.
The Doctor is OUT.
14 comments:
Congrats on house! Go Twitter
Well Dr, he's a Pommy bowler so for starters he can fuck right off. And keep on fucking off until he ends up having aural sex with Phil Gould.
Now, given this gould's name I should come up with something. How about if he was of an earlier era and played against Doug Ring?
Onion b Ring.
Fuck this, its past beer o'clock and there's Boags Premium on offer in the ice tubs.
Enjoy your week-end.
Thing is Onions plays for Durham, where the keeper is Phil Mustard. Plenty of entries in Wisden reading c Mustard b Onions, which is grounds for nuking the Poms forthwith.
Enjoy the Boagses (Boagsi?) - domestic NZ brewed Carlsberg out of a can for Your Correspondent - it was cheap and so am I.
If there's a guy in the county cricket called 'Burger' the world will officially come to an end.
A Burger - c Mustard b Onions.
Bound to be some ex pat Saffer over there who's met that fate. Somebody search Wisden. I'm busy with this beer.
Don't stop the cricket posts! Very very funny reading.
Onions?
For the love of God, somebody please teach me how cricket works, pronto!
DD - cheers
Steve - have a bash at this (recommended by WikiAnswers)
http://www.cs.purdue.edu/homes/hosking/cricket/explanation.htmand get back to be with questions. Assessment will be multiple choice questions, 90 mins duration, no calculators.
No calculators!!! He is going to be screwed when he gets to the Duckworth Lewis questions.
OK, I think I've got the basics, and I'm ready for some cricket action. What will happen to me if I chant, "Shane Warne takes it up the arse, doo-dah, doo-dah"? Anything bad?
And, a question on this line:
"Sometimes fielders close to the bat wear helmets for safety."
So, it is illegal in cricket for anyone other than the wicketkeeper to wear a glove, and cricketers are presumably tough enough not to need them, yet some are absolute pussies that they wear helmets? Seriously?
Naut - we're ALL fucked when it comes to any sorts of Duckworth Lewis questions (other than 'What's the fucken par score for fucks sake????')
Steve - (a) If he's not playing you may get some strange looks, or someone like Naut or Lerm may smack you one just on principle; (b) Try fielding gobbing distance from a baseball slugger and see whether you like the idea of head protection. Plenty of peeps have worn one fielding at short leg (i.e. one slog and yr head comes off). Shinpads and 'box' are usually optioned into the equation too. It's usually the newest member of the side who gets that job!
I've played infield in baseball (60' from the batter at the younger levels, 90' from age 13 on up). Is short leg closer?
I'm not doubting it's danger, I'm just wondering why the eschew some obvious minor protection (like gloves) while having protection their counterparts in baseball don't have.
Short leg's usually no more than five to ten yards from the bat. Half the pitch (22 yds) at most. On the other side of the pitch the same position's called silly point (squarer) or silly mid-on (straighter).
I always figured the glove was less protection, more ease of catching.
Same difference. If they were playing with a tennis ball, a glove would be unnecessary (aside from giving you the extra few inches). But, due to the hard baseball, it protects your hand while you're catching it. Can you catch bare-handed? Sure. Would you want to? Hell no. That would get old after a while.
Post a Comment