There are some God-awful accents in the world. Grating, braying offenses to the ear. They're generally regionally-specified, and you know them when you hear them. New Jersey. Birmingham. Victoria. None of these amount to the absolute worst accent in the world, of course; the worst accent in the world is the Hyundai Accent, as explained here by that nice Mr Clarkson. Closely followed by everyone in Invictus. Even the guy who was trying to do an Australian accent at the end of Point Break did a better South African accent than most of the Hollywood contingent in that.
The existence and emergence of new and different accents is an interesting model for how cultural evolution (and indeed any form of evolution) works. For many years, as recently as the mid 20th Century linguistics scholars - almost always tried to argue there was no regional differentiation of accents within Australasia, that is there is no definable Australian or NZ accent, or any sub-regional accents. This is clearly a confection of arse and a farrago of bullshit. As Alex Buzo demonstrated in several books on Australian and Australasian dialects, there's obvious differences even between the states of Australia, and we have a Southlander in the lab who speaks with the distinctive rolled 'R' reminiscent of the Scottish Highlands, a marker of their particular accent (developed and maintained within the South Island of NZ. So much for no regional differentiation.) For reasons that escape me the NZ accent perennially wins awards for being the most 'pure' version of spoken English in the world. It's certainly been purified free of vowels. At last count they had one and a half.
Generally, when you come from this part of the world (i.e. what our beloved former PM Paul Keating once described as 'the arse end of'), if you make it BIG, people feel like you're one of us. A sense of ownership. Like you're representing them on the world stage, whether it's sporting, arts, politics or competitive eating. And that accent is part of the equation, to the point where newly-minted Hollywood stars of Antipodean extraction, who suddenly start turning up in media junkets for their latest fillums chatting in fluent SoCal rather than their true blue accent, get stuff thrown at them when they next step off the plane at Kingsford Smith. Even the likes of Nicole Kidman was parodied, pilloried and piss-taken for the stories of her employing a language coach specifically to reteach her Australian accent before coming back Down Under to visit. Anyone who loses their Australian accent while overseas is a sellout, a fraud, and (wait for it) everyone's favourite double-edged sword, un-Australian.
And it's not just we parochial Antipodeans that suspect and disrespect those with easily lost (or gained) accentual affectations. Former Middlesbrough FC manager Steve McClaren, after being given the arse as England coach following their disasterous Euro2008 qualifying (or lack thereof, in the process earning the nickname 'The Wally With The Brolly') campaign, toddled off to the Dutch leagues to coach FC Twente. Not five weeks later he was interviewed on Dutch TV prior to the club's Champions League outings with the most ridiculous comedy Dutch accent in history. And proceeded to have the absolute piss ripped out of him, again, by the Fleet Street red-tops. Because who the fuck loses the accent they've had all their life in five weeks, right? Sellout. Fraud. Un, erm, Yorkshirian.
Yeah, well I'd have agreed with all that. Till I went to a conference in Ghent, in darkest Belgium, in mid-to-late 2008, where everyone speaks Flemish Dutch, even when they're speaking English. One week later I was in London being asked why the fuck I was trying to sound like Goldmember all the fucking time. Was goede, yessh? Quite how it happened I have NFI because I think I spent most of the conference hanging out with chicks from Queensland but a heavy excess of Jupiler probably made some causative contribution.
It can happen, people. It can happen to the best of us.
Except in New Zealand. Not a fucking chance I'm picking up that load of shite. I've hung onto my Australian accent through thuck 'n' thun, and there's no way thet'll change.
Sweet as.
The Doctor is OUT, eh bro.
20 comments:
Victorians with an ACCENT HEY..MY FKN ARSE..Its all those other fkn gits and tossers and sun backed, live on the fkn coast up noth that have accents. WE, thats us here fkn VICTORIANS have the most pure of accents that can be found on the planet.
Some poms..well they should be shot before they get more than one word out, I do on occasion have issue with some American accents..most notably the fkn TEXANS..and then..then there is the South African accent which is so fkn grating on the ears the whole place and occupants should be fkn muted...GENETICALLY FKN MUTED!
Oh ho yes you do, Victorian. Bend an ear to Warney sometime. The Vic accent is very clear, one of the most distinctive in 'Astraya'. Particularly amongst people from 'Malbun'.
I hated it when my classmates would take summer European vacations and come back with stupid accents and worse yet, the ones who came back from London would be saying "bloody hell" for weeks and I thought they were such tools.
But now I find myself spelling "humor" with that goddamn extra "u" and I say "brilliant" all the time and "reckon" and "orsum" and the other day I caught myself saying tomahtoh instead of tomaaayto.
And frankly, the Brits and Aussies have a much more colorful and expanded vocabulary than we 'mericans.
When I was doing telemarketing I could've told you where everyone in Australia was born.
Probably the stand out would be S.A.'s where they raise the tone at the end of sentences. They end on the rise.
No offence to Stu intended, but Manchester probably is a stand out for me internationally on the rough side.
The best would be Irish, or French chicks doing English.
Yup the toffs of Adelaide definitely have certain idiosyncracies to them. They tend to drop L's. As in the name of noted fast food icon Ronood McDonood.
Dr Y - yep. You ahve it right. When I did my ratsacking around Europe I spent a couple of weeks without speaking to any native English speakers. When I did it was in Helsinki and another aussie told me to "drop that stupid fucken accent mate. Where the fuck ave ya been?" As you say, it can happen to anyone. After six months out of Oz, and my first trip back to my local pub one mate told me to start speaking right, otherwise I'd probably get in a blue. Took me all of tens econds to find my normal voice again.
And South aussies also have a vowel thing like the Kiwis, but not as extreme.
I've known a few South Australians that think they're from the mother country...ya know...darnce and charnce etc etc...funny thing is, I slip into the most yobbo-ish country slang when with family but when I was announcing on a classical music station, I would bung on the posh - often nauseating myself.
Still the point you make about being unaware of slight changes to your own accent after only being immersed in a new setting for a short time might be more about a subconsious desire to conform.
That said, my former mother-in-law was born in Ireland and came out here when she was 10 and her accent has held strong for 50 years.
You all do sound alike to me. But that's because I haven't lived down there or heard enough Australians talking to pick up regional accents. But you all do have them-I guarantee it.
If you lived here, you'd hear the difference between a Chicagoan and a Minnesotan and someone from Southern Illinois. The accents are quite noticeable and distinct-if you listen to them long enough.
Tha dango tork mah baybee.
Nat - certain South Aussies, being free settled rather than penal (though still fairly penile) are under the impression they're better than the rest of us. In truth anyone stupid enough to leave Europe and cross the globe in order to live in Adelaide is clearly a halfwit.
YDog - I understand there is regional specification in the midwest but the only bit I'm aware of is the 'Oooo' of the Minnesotans, probably a hangover from the mad Viking descendants who settled the place.
Quokka - point taken and agreed with. The worst accent in the world, far worse than the Hyundai Accent, was actually Meryl Streep in Evil Angels.
God preserve us from Hollywood actors trying to do the Australian accent. They all end up sounding like South Africans with a platypus wedged up the clacker.
I had great aunts on my mother's side who tried to teach me to speak with a clipped British accent. It didn't work. When I found my father's family in WA a year or two ago, I was amazed how similar my voice is to theirs, even though Dad had tried to bluff his way up the social ladder in Brisbayne with a fake middle class accent.
I fear the Fish Markets of Perth come with my DNA, Doc.
The other phenomenon you might find interesting is Kinship Recognition. Bin learning a bit about that from my blackfella mates. Again, when I met my family in WA, the way we walk, use gestures, hold our heads...all sorts of little idiosyncracies that had made me feel like the alien among my mother's people made that lot feel comfortable and familiar.
I'm a fascinated observer of it now, whenever I see a family grouping. Where you come from - and I don't just mean place, but family and history - runs deep.
I dunno Quokka.
My best friend is adopted, and you would never it by seeing her with (adoptive) parents. She shares the same mannerisms as her brother and her mother...it's eerie how much they look alike when they're animated.
Geordies piss me off the most. Saffers next.
I can see how that would happen, Jen, but one of the menfolk pointed out on Xmas day that three of us womenfolk were all sitting there twirling the same granny hair on our chins in a contemplative moment - er...watching some fool with a boat attached to his 4WD trying to do a 3 point turn in a ridiculously narrow street.
Funny that the guys noticed the mannerisms.
Clearly you blokes are more observant than I give you credit for.
I was always asked as a kid if I was English or even where in England I was from. Not good when you live in Ipswich & have Irish roots. Not fond of the English my lot - something about potato famines? I still think that the accents have become much stronger in the last 40-odd years. The NZ accent in particular - none of 'em said suxpence when Oi were a lad.
Purest form of English, well who are we to argue?
Used to rip shit out of an Aussie mate back in NZ about his accent, now I fear after a few EBs I sound the same. Choice, bro.
Jen and Aunty Q - I think what you're seeing with kinship recognition is probably more a result of behavioural/environmental conditioning (ie the local family environment) than direct genetic effects, so there's no reason why adopted kids wouldn't pick that stuff up.
GB and Drej - I've found that here in NZ the really strong NZ accent is actually being modulated. You don't hear strong Kiwi accents on TV, unless it's sportspeople or members of the public being interviewed. Newsreaders, actors, voiceover people etc tend to assume a kind of 'mid Tasman' accent. Could also be the moderating affect of having a fair amount of Australian TV (in particular ads) on Kiwi airwaves. When you do hear a v strong Kiwi accent on NZ TV it's actually something you notice.
When I get a hankering for the sounds of home, good old Motorway Patrol will do it every time!
Ah yes Motorway Patrol. Or its developmentally challenged sibling Police Ten 7.
ALWAYS blow on the pie. Safer communities together.
Doc you're not being fair here.
Its a psychological strategy, to confuse the subject by appearing to be helpful.
Thanks for the inspiration, though.
It being Arsetrailyer Day and all, I will make a point of asking every flag flyer I see what it is that they need to know before they eat a pie from the servo at 3am.
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