Triple J Classic Hits FM.
Seriously. The alternative hits of the 90s, 90s and 90s, cranked just the way you thirty-summin' late-Gen-Xers like 'em - angstily and/or whinily. Hell, we can even get Helen and Mikey back to do breakfast.
Unky Rupert's goons have had a stab at dissecting the facts and stats of the Hunnert, but who needs that shit when you can just take a gander at the pointy end of the countdown again, with year of release appended in parentheses:
1. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit (1991)
2. Rage Against the Machine - Killing In The Name (1992)
3. Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah (1994)
4. Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart (1979)
5. Radiohead - Paranoid Android (1997)
6. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody (1975)
7. Jeff Buckley - Last Goodbye (1994)
8. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge (1991)
9. Foo Fighters - Everlong (1997)
10. Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven (1971)
11. John Lennon - Imagine (1971)
12. Oasis - Wonderwall (1995)
13. Radiohead - Creep (1992)
14. The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony (1997)
15. Radiohead - Karma Police (1997)...
...in fact you gotta get down to 17th before you get to the first post-2000 track, or the first Australian act for that matter: the Hilltop Hoods with Nosebleed Section. Where the bloody hell were ya, Bernard? Or you, little Danielle Johns? Timmy Rogers? Chris Cheney? Quan? Kram? Phil Jamieson? Dave McCormack? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
And what happened to Gen Y? Did they get distracted by shiny objects and forget to put their votes in?
What do we think of that lot? PISS... POOR.
And speaking of which... the Ashes. As predicted, a draw. But only once Australia had gotten into a position to win the thing, only for their attack, with all the penetrating snarl of Spongebob Squarepants, to fail miserably in the task of dislodging even the comical Munty Can-of-Sars from the batting crease. The Tour is still an Astana benefit - regardless of the random Italian from the perennially rubbish AG2R outfit who's currently being permitted to lead.
But none of that matters a pinch of shit today. Because the nation can finally smile again, for the first time in eight years. Because MARK WEBBER FINALLY RAN OUT OF WAYS TO FUCK UP A GRAND PRIX.
He tried. Really he tried. Getting a drive-through penalty for a dismally weak Woolies carpark nudge on Rubens Lemoncello - who spat the dummy ROYALLY at his BrawnGP team after the race for costing him the win, ignoring the fact his being quite a bit shit probably had more to do with that - was about the only thing he hadn't tried before, after a career spent on the sidelines. Or more accurately on the side of the track watching smoke and steam piss out of his broken Minardi/Jaguar/Williams/Red Bull. Webber's entire career has been a testimony to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like in an upside-down Mercedes sportscar at 200mph plus on the Mulsanne Straight at Le Mans in 1999. Or chasing the lead of the Monaco GP in a woefully uncompetitive Williams a couple of years ago, until the fucking thing packed up on him. Or coming around a bend on his mountain bike in his eponymous adventure challenge in Tasphobia last summer to find a massive fuck-off Nissan Patrol coming the other way.
This year he's had the most competitive car he's ever had in his career, but he's also had the best teammate he's ever had or likely to - even if the perpetually smiley Seb Vettel looks like he'd be better suited to hosting kids television than cracking heads in F1 - and missed most of off-season testing with that broken leg. Webber's career has been compared to current World Championship leader Jenson Button - long frustrated career, finally coming to fruition - but the more valid comparison for both of them may be Nigel Mansell, dogged by appalling Webber-style luck throughout his career until he finally won the world title as a late 30-something. And like Mansell, Webber's just a bit dull - doesn't drink much, seems to be whinging a fair bit, strange accent (Brummie for Mansell, whereas Webber sometimes sounds like he's learned English from second-gen Slavic migrant kids). The only vaguely interesting things about him are that he used to be a ballboy for the Canberra Raiders (in their late-80s bemulleted pomp) and that his missus is 13 years older than him (which we'll be charitable and call Hot-Fot-Teacher-itis rather than Oedipus syndrome.)
But fuck all that. He just won a fucking F1 Grand Prix, AT LAST. I declare a National Day of Celebration. Let's all go and sit on the side of the road with the bonnet up in honour of him.
The Doctor is OUT.
13 comments:
You're basically condemning us to our own special version of "Easy Listening".
Great idea, btw.
I think it's just cos Gen Ys genuinely don't give a flying fig about radio anymore, let alone Triple J. And why blame them? There are soooo many awesomely cool shiny new things which go 'ping' which are waaaaayyyy more important and 'now'.
Another thing - Triple J is quite laborious to listen to, when it comes down to it. As like any good 'non-stop rocking out with your cock(ing) out' -type FM stations, it's wall-to-wall pop culture wankers trying to wank on about how much more important their wank is compared to all other wanker's wanks. Wankers. Given a choice - I'd much rather crank up last.fm radio stations, or Dig or even (heaven forbid) myspace. Less talk, more rawk!
As trolly-troll SJS pointed out on another blog, listening to traditional air-wave type radios is quite outdated in this digital media world.
Agreed. In which case - all the more reason to send the Jays into retro mode and crank a Nineties-rich playlist. Follow the audience!
Voting on the internet is so last week innit? Its like, primitive, and Gen Y are still deciding who to evict in this year's non-existent Big Brother series.
Indie retro radio? Digital is coming in so there's no reason it couldn't happen. Just get Stuart Matchett to spend a week or so selecting a few thousand tracks, load 'em up and hit the random button. All you need is some student of voice to occasionally do a time call and a news intro each hour.
I think if I was Webber I wouldn't be pouring that booze all over myself. Long time between drinks.
I assume that they spray each other and/or pour the contents over each other because it is a piss poor drop.
Just goes to show that all Webber (and Button also)really needed was a reliable steed.
Ok, I'm with ya. But only if Tunny can come back for the morning slot. And Francis Leach for the early evening pos.
I still like the radio I find it the best way to find new music. Of course I listen to the Rs rather than the Js.
If someone wants easy listening 90's let them have it.
Huzzah for Mark Webber. Huzzah.
Shouldn't "Bittersweet Symphony" be hyphenated or slashed, to include The Verve/Richards/Jagger?
And what, no Midnight Oil?
I don't mean to be a downer, but shouldn't OTHER people be dumping champagne on you after you win a race? It seems like dumping champagne on yourself is like giving yourself a nickname.
Therbs - yer right sadly. Radio's an old persons' leisure pursuit. Which to me is sad, not because of the loss of radio, but because of the loss of the shared cultural experience that was/is Triple J. There's few countries that can say all their kids grew up sharing the same musical experiences.
AusGaz - this is true. The difference between most top-line F1 drivers is so small that if you put any of them in the best car in the field, and put Schumacher or Senna in a Minardi or a Force India, they'd beat the multiple champs pretty comfortably.
Jamin - find a spot for Ang Catterns (for old times sake) and we gots a deal.
Bangar - I actually found in the end (of my time in Oz ie late 04) that I was getting as many pointers on new music from Channel V as from the J's. Back then V were playing a lot more indie Aussie stuff I think (dont know what their playlist was like) - back when they did Band in a Bubble with Regurgitator etc.
Abe - Abso Fricken Lutely. 132 GPs we've waited for that. Actually more than that, last time he won a race was in a Mercedes sports car. Must have figured out a way to stop the thing flipping on its lid in a straight line.
Steve - I believe the writing credit is Ashcroft/Jagger/Richards but the song's 'performed' by the Verve. In truth its not really that far from Puff Diddly grunting and rapping inconsequential bullshit over the top of the riff from Kashmir, like he did for the Godzilla movie about the same time as BS Symphony came out.
As regards Webber, he's got form with that - see here (grabbed from the back page of Monday's Australian Motorsport eNews.)
He juuuust got the brim of his hat, and his armpit apparently.
Good thing he's a better driver than a champagne pourer.
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