But it's a fairly decent place to start. The World Cup's only weeks away which means it's well overdue for the wheels of marketing bullshit to start turning. Nike's World Cup ads are fairly legendary - the one with Eric Cantona MCing cage football on a container ship springs to mind - and their latest effort stays on message once more. That message being 'Hello, we're Nike, we're complete wankers, and every football player we sponsor is a massively self-involved narcissistic tosser.'
As I said.
(Check it out here for the full wanktastic HD effect.)
Admittedly, throughout their slimy history, Nike and narcissistic tossers have always gone together like battered Volvos and hat-wearing parkers-by-Braille - case in point a certain high-profile golfer with a predilection for over-playing his long irons - so it shouldn't be much of a surprise that the Sweatshop Of Swoosh seems to have cornered the market in footballing douchebags. But the egregious scope of their vanity - and by reflection that of their sponsored representatives - seems astonishing, even for the firm responsible for the technicolour vomit of the 1997 Super League jerseys. Dragging the Simpsons into their tawdry circlejerk, not for any credible reason, just because they could - not to mention a fairly bemused looking Kobe Bryant - is precisely the sort of conspicuous act of masterbation which has rightly identified them as the sporting world's greatest twunts.
Still, at least Kobe has something in common with the bloke he's meant to be imitating, Ronaldinho. Neither of the bastards will be at the World Cup.
The Doctor is OUT. Like Ron. And Adriano, and Ballack, and Beckham, and Totti...
6 comments:
Oh so by "footballers" you mean "soccer players."
You so want to c*nt punt me right now, don't you?
You write poetry, you just don't know it.
Wanktastic :D
I would like to request a post entitled 'The Modern Dictionary According to Dr Yobbo'.
Ironic, that catchphrase, when you consider none of those footballers have probably written anything in their lives, beyond maybe carving out their favourite high-class escort's name into their thigh flesh.
I mean, really. Do we honestly think Wayne Rooney's just a humble little kid from the boondocks, out to live his dream? Maybe once he was a kid, but that was before all the handlers got ahold of him aged 6 and turned him into a uber-chav.
What's hilarious is the "dream future" of him as some beardo living in a caravan. He already looks like a 60-year-old man after a life of pints and Benson & Hedges, and he's not even 30. The beard just makes him look silly.
Hilarious stuff. Love the way they try to communicate the inclusiveness of football too by showing you "poor" people with their old CRT tvs with dodgy reception. Meanwhile Nike's co-sponsor Sony will be spruiking the shit out of its flipping 75-metre long 3D flatscreens saying it's the ONLY way to watch competitive football.
Jen - you're all class
Moko - at least you didn't say 'You're a poet, you just don't know it'
Nat - actually check out a book Douglas Adams and John Lloyd wrote called the Meaning of Liff (expanded edition the Deeper Meaning of Liff) - great book about meanings in search of words
GC - the irony is with Rooney's particular non-football skillset, that would be him in the caravan if he couldn't kick a ball and hadn't had his meal ticket written for him.
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