'You ain't seen the best of us yet,' declared Tim Rogers in his curious yeehaa-Cletus twang on the only decent song from You Am I's last album. Patent nonsense, of course. We saw the best of them long ago, well before their punting from Sony-BMG and Timmah's pills-'n'-voddy-fuelled breakdown at the Falls. The 'best of them' might encompass those four consecutive number one albums, f'rinstance. Tracks like Berlin Chair, Mr Milk, Cathy's Clown, Rumble (particularly apt for the subliminal shoutout to Ronnie James D.I.O.), so on and so forth. You Am I might be shadows of shadows of their former selves these days, but they do get to go through the macabrely fascinating equivalent of outliving their own children - they've outlasted the biggest and shiniest of all the up-and-coming bands who once played support to them. Shortly, they're playing on the undercard of Powderfinger's farewell tour. Still, they were better before Timmah decided he needed to start singing in a fucking Seppo accent.
Which brings us to Kiwi soft-rockers the Feelers - think the Shakies' Own version of Powderfinger, except with even less substance - who've been contracted to provide the Official Song of the forthcoming Rugby World Cup 2011 (also Shakies' Own) and have in turn extruded a strained and haemmorroidal version of Right Here, Right Now which may in fact be the worst cover version of any song ever recorded anywhere by anyone ever. The song in question is, I should note, the decade-turning one-hit-wonder penned by Jeezarse Jones, rather than Fatboy Slim's variant thereof. This does not in any way make it any more listenable. Evidence thereof as follows.
Even walrus-faced NZ current affairs host Mark Sainsbury has his mo in a twist over the shitness of their efforts. Granted, the gripe appears to be that they haven't used Dave fucking Dobbyn. But the point remains: this is the worst cover song of all time. Even Sid Vicious' version of My Way had irony to recommend it. It's not merely that the Feelers' reading of the tune is as lame and as milquetoast as everything they've ever recorded; it's that lead whiner James Reid can't help but choke as he tries to reach for the high notes. Much like the All Blacks themselves in rugby world cups, come to think of it.
Worst. Cover. Ever.
Or... is it?
Because that would ignore Puff Diddly's catastrophic Godzilla-soundtrack remake of Led Zep's Kashmir. Which, on principle, is up there with Srebrenica.
Tell me I'm wrong.
The Doctor is OUT.
10 comments:
I've really enjoyed Merril Bainbridge's stuff but the duet with Shaggy, I've got you babe. Oh Dear,sorry Oh MY GOD what were they thinking.
As I mentioned on twitter I'll put my money on counting crows cover of Joni mitchells big yellow taxi. It makes me shudder just thinking of the blandness of it.
I'd have a special mention for almost the entire Cold Chisel tribute album Standing On The Outside. Save for Augie March's version of Janelle and Sarah's chops on Flame Trees.
The rest can just lick the sweat of a dead man's balls.
Just as I wrote that, Vampire Weekend's version of Radiohead's Exit Music (For A Film) came on the net radio. That's pretty shit.
'Tribute albums' are a rich source of untrammelled shite. The 'Fusebox' AC/DC tribute from the mid 90s had a lot of awsm thereon - Yothu Yindi turning 'Jailbreak' into a tale about black deaths in custody for instance - but the Gurge's gangsta rap rendition of 'Back in Black' was PROFOUNDLY fucking woeful.
Jeez Doc, that Feelers track is pretty bad - bland, flat and no variation, plus not a GREAT track to start with anyway. At least the Kashmir track can claim to be an artistic variation, not just a bland poor cover.
Can't say it exactly sells me on comin to UnZud for the RWC.
Worst covers ever - Kasey Chambers on that Neil Finn tribute album from a few years back, or Cyndi Lauper doing that Pink Floyd track from The Wall concert live in Berlin.
Celine Dion destroying ACDC is still the worst I've heard.
Drej I still reckon her voice is the audio equivalent of the firebombing of Dresden. The allied forces prolly could’ve dropped her off at Omaha Beach with a PA and let the Germans bayonet themselves.
As mentioned on Twunter the worst cover I've ever heard is Billy Corgan's attempt to sing Landslide. The song was great when Stevie Nicks sang it back 79 but when you hear donkey-boy sing it in that tiny sibilant whisper of his, the tenderness ends up with the sincerity of sandpaper. Corgan has no idea what he’s singing about. OK he knows but he doesn’t know, mainly because he’s not a flat broke hippy chick from California. Wish he's overdose on some Ford Pills and pass that Steinway already!
Madonna's American Pie would have to rate. Folkie tunes suffer from translation the minute you add a drum machine. That said, there are a handful of covers that I reckon are better than the original. Johnny Cash's version of 'Hurt'...some of Hayseed Dixie's piss-taking AC/DC covers and here's one for ya...Andrew Denton's project to cover Stairway to Heaven...ROLF HARRIS COMES TO MIND!
Post a Comment