Tenacious Dio

Dio has rocked for a long, long time,
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of wilderbeests and angels,
He has soared on the wings of a demon.

It's time to pass the torch,
You're too old to rock, no more rockin' for you.
We're takin' you to a home,
But we will sing a song about you.

And we will make sure that you're very well taken care of.
You'll tell us secrets that you've learned. Woah!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Dio, time to go!
You must give your cape and scepter to me!
And a smaller one for KG.

- Tenacious D, 'Dio', 2001


Of all the snowblinded, chemically-impaired munters who e'er manned the pumps of the good ship Black Sabbath - and there were many - it does seem typically rock-and-roll ironic that the first to run down the curtain and join the choir invisible WASN'T, in fact, bipedal pharmacy outlet Mr Ozzy Osbourne, but the man who subbed for him when Oswald's powder fetish got the better of him in '78 - that man being rock god, metal overlord and inventor of the Horned Metal Salute, 'screeching Italianate Diabolist Mister Ronnie James DIO', to quote Twunter's Dr Samuel Johnson.




Drej has a really nice piece over at his joint about Dio and his place in the pantheon of rock gods - I won't disagree with any of what he's said, although I'd be one of those 'many' who disagree with him rating Dio-era Sabbath at or above the level of Ozzy-era Sabbath - to be fair, though, they were as different as two bands can be with only the lead howler substituted. In style, this wasn't swapping Bon for Brian; almost closer to swapping Zack de la Rocha for Chris Cornell. In the end it was just as well the rest of Rage Against the Audioslave kept the receipt.

In fact, there are few surer things than death, taxes, and the fact that noone will remember the result of this world T20 competition by the start of the next one in a month or two, but one of those surer things is that lead singer replacement therapy works about as regularly as homeopathy, and is usually about as scientific. Successes? AC/DC. Van Halen, sort of, even if Hagar-era Halen got progressively more ordinary as they went on. Audiorage, for a couple of albums at least. Faith No More, though they were hardly astride the world when Mr Bungle got the gig. And the Wiggles. That's it. Every other attempt to replace a successful lead singer in a successful rock band has ended in a bucket of distended arse. Particularly if the recruitment methodology involves hiring singers from tribute bands, selecting contenders based on their hovercraft-based miming skills, or being INXS. By comparison with that lot of shite, Dio-era Sabbath comes off a lot closer to Heaven than Hell (see what I did there?)

Dio, 1942-2010. The torch has been passed. To whom, I'm not entirely sure. But suffice to say it ain't Justin fucking Bieber.

The Doctor is OUT.