Citeh citeh bang bang

New-money reactionary arriviste anti-football arsehats. That's one's immediate response to Manchester Citeh doing their finest Chelski FC impression and firing their manager for no apparent cogent reason other than they didn't win ALL THE THINGS in the past 15 minutes. This morning's MCFC statement:

It is with regret that Manchester City Football Club announces that Roberto Mancini has been relieved of his duties as Manchester City Manager.

This has been a difficult decision for the owner, Chairman and Board to make and it is the outcome of a planned end of season review process that has been brought forward in light of recent speculation and out of respect for Roberto and his extensive contributions to the Football Club. 

Despite everyone’s best efforts, the Club has failed to achieve any of its stated targets this year, with the exception of qualification for next season’s UEFA Champions League. This, combined with an identified need to develop a holistic approach to all aspects of football at the Club, has meant that the decision has been taken to find a new manager for the 2013/14 season and beyond. 

Chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak said: “Roberto’s record speaks for itself and he has the respect and gratitude of Sheikh Mansour, myself and the Board for all of his hard work and commitment over the last three and a half years. He has clearly also secured the love and respect of our fans. He has done as he promised and delivered silverware and success, breaking the Club’s 35-year trophy drought and securing the title in 2012. I would like to personally and publicly thank him for his dedication to the progress that he has overseen and for his support and continued friendship."

Assistant Manager Brian Kidd will take interim responsibility for the remaining two games of the season and the post-season tour to the United States.

Roberto Mancini, failing his job interview as an AFL goal umpire

Even by established coach-firing-press-release standards the above load of bollocks makes less sense than Sir Alex Ferguson after most of a bottle of Glenfiddich. Or Sir Alex Ferguson at any midweek press conference, which is pretty much the same thing. Aside from the astonishing faff about love, respect, gratitude and the chairman's continued friendship with a bloke he's just put in a Jobcentre queue, the gold Bogie for Best Use Of Management Wankwords has to go to '...combined with an identified need to develop a holistic approach to all aspects of football at the Club...'

Which, reading between the lines and colouring in the numbered segments, means they either sacked Mancini because he was shit at running the backroom stuff (transfers et al), or they sacked him because he objected to them bringing in a director of football to oversee that stuff as well as the first team squad.  Because management issues are always a good reason to fire a guy who won you the Cup and the League in consecutive seasons after 35 years of wasting oxygen.

Contrast the cretindom of Citeh (and Chelsea, who will shortly be seeking their tenth first-team manager since 2007/08 (though it'll be the ninth different one if The Special One is batshit-insane enough to come back for another crack at Russian Owner Roulette) with Manchester United, whose 26-year veteran manager reminded supporters, owners and hierarchy of the job of said supporters, owners and hierarchy when and if a new manager (say, f'rinstance, a Mr David Moyes formerly of Everton FC) finds himself on Struggle St: get behind the bastard.

At least you know where you are when you're manager of Citeh.
You're fucked.

Preferably not with a big fuck-off knife, like the new-money fucktards.

It's not for coincidence that Moyes, the new MUFC boss, was one of the longest serving managers in the Premier League, thanks to Everton not being arsehats re continuing a manager's employment even if the club happens to have a slightly crap year. Even Arsenal, whose name SOUNDS like Arsehat and who last won anything sometime around the era of the dinosaurs, have stuck with Wenger through thick and thin. Mostly thin. Anaemically, anorexically thin. But occasionally they play some pretty football, and hey, they've got a young squad and they're rebuilding. Yes, they've been a permanent construction site longer than most of south-east Queensland, but they're rebuilding...

An arsehat

Interestingly, one of the criticisms levelled at Fergie at MUFC (one of the many, particularly from media types who he'd had barred from club press conferences) was that the force of his personality and the power of his machinations meant United had no real succession plan for his retirement - all his former 2ICs found themselves obliged to move elsewhere to find senior management positions. Fergie's assistant from 1991 to 1998 (until Fergie slagged him off in his autobiog): Brian Kidd, who today finds himself caretaker manager at Manchester City.

Admittedly, Kidd's lack of first-team gigs probably has as much to do with him utterly fucking up his season at Blackburn Rovers in the late 90s, but that's another story. One which seems to repeat on an intermittent loop for Rovers over the past few seasons. Particularly since they were bought by cashed-up Indian chicken farmers with no detectable understanding of football whatsoever and managed to go through three managers in a season. There's 'new-money reactionary arriviste anti-football arsehats', and then there's being called 'utterly unforgivable', 'woefully inadequate' and 'entirely contrary to the way justice is supposed to be served' by the High Court judge you are appealing to in order to prevent having to pay the former-club-hero manager you sacked after 56 days in the job. He was only asking for two million or so, which is the amount Rovers manage to lose every month...

More arsehats

Yes, it seems Citeh and Chelski still have a way to go to match World's Best Practice in New-Money Reactionary Arriviste Anti-Football Arsehattery. Venky's, take a bow.

And then fuck off out of football forever.

The Doctor is OUT.