Well, let's go back. I know why. It's because I crashed out sick as a dog early last night and I'm trying to avoid the World Cup replays this morning, until the highlights show at half twelve. And there's NOTHING ELSE ON. Seriously. Not even an ancient repeat of Mythbusters on Discovery with Kari saying a lot of hellishly annoying shite yet still looking disconcertingly spankable. So that's how Your Correspondent has ended up watching Fahhhhshun TV. Apparently it's 'Fashion Friday' this (Saturday) morning. What do they have every other fucking day? Racing tips? Badminton? Repeats of Magnum PI? (That's on TV3, for the record.) Which brings me to the point of this wee ramble through the discombombombobulated pre-caffeinated conscious: what's the fucking point of FTV?
Now if you've never encountered FTV and want to find out about it, and if you Google it... how do I put this... FTVGirls.com doesn't appear to be actually anything to do with Fashion TV. Quite separate business models, I would venture. The former is watchable in its own right, though, but not in polite company. Fashion TV is basically endlessly looped footage from runway shows, backstage interviews and location shoots - meaning 24/7 of sulking, clonal, freakishly elongated Eastern European tweenage models who look like they'd break in half at the first attempt at acrobatic rumpy, should it not be highly illegal in every sovereign nation bar Vatican City (??!!) to be making such plans. The question remains though, who's actually watching FTV? The only place I've ever seen FTV screened in public is at those ostentatious wanker cafes on Park Road in Milton, Ferraris with badly kerbed alloys parked out the front, and utter, utter twats parked in most of the prime seating positions. Yet FTV certainly aren't struggling for a quid; the network's syndicated all over the globe, were recently listed on the Frankfurt stock exchange, and even have their own vodka FFS. Presumably tastes just as good coming back up as it did going down.
So is the point of FTV just to fill another slot on the dial for pay TV operators desperate for content? Sure, there are many, many channels on even your basic pay TV platform. Most of them make some sort of logical sense, have some sort of identifiable target demographic. Sports and movies, lifestyle and news, the audiences are pretty self-evident. Comedy Central are there for the people who want a laugh, until midnight when they roll out the shows with tits in them in a cheap and tawdry attempt to target the late night wanking market. E! channel fill their lineup with celeb goss and Not Particularly True Hollywood Stories and endless fucking reality TV shows following the every bowel movement of talentless attention whores like the Kardashians and Hefner's battalion of grubby exes, until midnight when they they roll out the shows with tits in them in a cheap and tawdry attempt to target the late night wanking market. Fashion TV can't be aimed at serious fahhshunistas because most of their material seems to be up to a couple of years out of date - runway shows from Milan 2008 and so on - so it's hardly at the cutting edge of fashion design. Not does it seem targeted at the late night self-abuse enthusiast audience either, given the underfed tweenie twiglets on show are kept resolutely under wraps, however scanty and expensive those wraps may be. Given the soundtrack selections of the producers, it's possible FTV is actually aimed at the last remaining Macy Gray fans out there. Both of them.
Now all of this probably just sounds like the bitter rantings about a bunch of starkly beautiful clotheshorses who wouldn't root Your Correspondent for practice, stats or danger money. And it is. But there's a lot to be said about the destructive qualities of the fashion industry, the affect it has on teenage girls' body image, and the hubris and vanity of a society which values skin-deep superficialities over the qualities and values inherent to the person within.
Yes, all that needs to be said, but not by me.
Gotta go. Seafolly bikini shoot in the Whitsundays.
The Doctor is OUT.
7 comments:
Sir, for you to question the theoretical existence and intention of FTV, and then to willingly adorn your blog with that fkn picture: I'd posit a strong argument that you are, in fact, in dire need of reconnecting with your male members (if you catch my drift, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more, say no more... I'm talking about wanking).
That's the point. No less, no more. It's a bit of hot totty to put in the background; the 'easy listening' of pay tv. During the day, it's a marketable, almost chic brand to have blasting from your boutique wall which does not distract your customers, but equally stops them snooping around the reception area where they shouldn't be. And it's for wanking - did I mention that?
Weeeell... I'd argue even the most dedicated owner-operator would struggle with FTV, it'd be the vague equivalent of frotting oneself to the underwear section of the Kmart catalogue. And I'm still not sure how being used as atmospherics in pretentious cafes and exxy boutiques would give them the ratings reach to sustain the enterprise commercially - but it must, as they are.
THE POINT, ..well there is none, just when has anything, OK, when has the MAJORITY of things that women do, watch, buy or think about had any sort of REASON to it....
See, like FTV its fkn pointless. Fkrs putting that shit on should be taken out back and swung across the fkn tow bar
And fkn imagine waking up to THAT!..not good, not good at all
My rather straight-laced Dutch father-in-law once regaled me with a very long FTV story once. Apparently this girl's top 'just fell off'. Up until then I had never seen the man so animated. So there you go. FTV: serving the community with free heart-starters and mental lubrication.
And why the hell wouldn't one of them want to get a leg over with the man in the green hat?
Only 57 channels? I now feel so very superior. I have over 600 channels and there is nothing on. And I mean nothing.
Only 57 channels? I now feel so very superior. I have over 600 channels and there is nothing on. And I mean nothing.
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