Correct use of the Vuvuzela
And all this WC hatin' has nothing to do with the Socceroos getting the absolute Mannschaft from the Germans this morning in Durban. Nothing. I know nussink...
It was never likely to go well. Not in away shirts that resembled something the Carlton footy club might have put out for their more preference-liberal fanbase. (Cos looking like Carlton is always a good omen for success, yeah?) And not with Pim Verbeek in charge. Not content with picking fewer strikers for his squad than can be counted on the fingers of Homer Simpson, he then deigned to select precisely none of them for his starting squad, setting his stall out in possibly the first ever 4-6-0 formation seen at a World Cup. Pim's a Clayton's coach at the best of times, but this was laughable. Even ze Chermans, with their world renown sense of humour, got the joke. The punchline being a centreback whose last gig saw him being found surplus to requirements by the Brisbane Raw.
It could have been worse. In terms of fahhhshun at least. Sure the Socceroos looked like they played, confused as to who the fuck they were and what the fuck they were there to do, but at least Pim and Arnie declined to turn up in sports jackets over skivvies, like Jurgi Lurrrve and the German brainstrust. Jesus on a stick. And at least we're AT the fucking tournament, unlike certain high-profile Nike marketing representatives. And at least we don't have this guy as our goalie.
Despite living in a glasshouse surrounded by a rockery, the Poms have been tripping over themselves to point and laugh at the Socceroos' shiteness. Intermittently competent England fast bowler Jimmy Anderson on the Magical Twunterbox: "It's becoming clearer why Australia invented Aussie rules football." Yeah, OK, fair call. Difference is though, unlike England, when we invent a sport we usually win at it.
So where to from here? With no clue, no Cahill and only bits of Kewell available for the next match against Ghana, there's only one fix that will save Australia's crispy KR Darling Downs bacon at this tournament: sack the entire squad and replace them with one who can actually win something.
So, this lot then. The 2010 Asian Cup winning Australian Matildas. They're in form, they can play, they probably even have strikers, and they look very comfortable in a gold shirt. Or, erm, out of one, even.
Which leaves only the question of whether the Australian public would be comfortable with admitting their womens national football side could easily run rings around their mens counterparts. Well, it'd be a step forward for equality, at least. And it's not as though the Seppos haven't been in the same position for the past 20 years.
The Doctor is OUT.
15 comments:
YEAH, kill the fkn horns, after about 2 minutes I had had, enough
I can't quite agree to the idea that this is the worst WC ever. It's a premature comment, (a bit like yourself dr yobbo). Spain, Italy and Brazil have yet to play, and they could improve the mood. As for the 1990 WC being terrible. Well, yes, it had low scores and red cards, but it had the best showmen of any World Cup. Gascoigne was crying, Roger Milla dancing, Salvatore Schillaci goals and Gary Linekar just being a gentleman. So take back the #WorstECever mark off your twitter and reserve your judgement until the end.
H - Oh fucking lord the horns are awful. They're just hideous
Neattii - we'll set aside that uncalled for slander for the moment - as we both know all those fab things you remember from Italia 90 you remember from highlights shows and books about the tournament because you were 12 at the time and not allowed to stay up to watch the games. Everything looks better in hindsight, yet even in hindsight it was arsebiscuits. And this is worse. #worstWCever until proven otherwise.
Cannae believe the powers that be have deprived us of our most marketable of all football players in Kewell, Kennedy, Bresciano and now fkn Cahill. Don't those fkn muppets know nothing about building a soccer brand in Australia? Pfft to them.
Oh, and if you have a snazzy enough TV with detailed controllable sound, you can very accurately pinpoint the most common frequency of the fkn horns and turn them down. So I've heard... the poor ole teev in my current place is flat out getting a signal most of the time.
Someone should point out to Jimmy Anderson that by their cricket logic (ie - they beat us last time therefore they're better than us) - that the last time our two countries met in "their" football - the result was 3-1 to Australia. B teams or no B teams, the goals are amazingly on the board. Obviously didn't have Pim on the coaching staff then.
As for the formation, I'd say it was 0-10-0 - with Brett Emerton trying to win the game by himself - as noone was giving him much of a hand.
As to neatticat, I've always thought people who put comments on blogs disparaging the blog they're commenting on - should pretty well take their own advice and read somewhere else? POQ, WTF, FUC :P
Adam - don't knock that logic, that's the logic that has your Seagles as premiers 2 out of the last 3 years. And don't mind Neattii, she's a bit feral. As you may recall from an afternoon of brewpub ales, pink handbags and heavy referencing of 'c*ntpunching' at the Rocks several years ago...
My understanding was it was the first ever 'quantum' formation. Particle physicists predicted the formation to be 4-4-2, but as soon as any attempt was made to detect any of the footballer particles present, their quantum state would decay and they would be found to not exist. To wit, the marking on goals 1 through 4.
Fuck yeah. I'm not doing as much bleary eye stuff this time around. The horns may have something to do with it but I reckon for some inexplicable reason its just an ordinary world cup. Hopefully when teams play their second matches they might actually spark up and do something but at the moment it seems as though they're all being coached by boring Dutchmen. I'd say they need to get some product from Amsterdam and fire the fuck up.
Yup Therbs - there's some kind of perfect storm going on of the random new ball (as impossible to keep down as a 3am kebab), altitude and most of the star creative midfielders being broken and nonfunctional, but it's been a bit stale, lacked spark. It's still the World Cup though. It's fucking killing me but I'm still watching as much as I can. Go the White Noise tonight v the Slovaks.
There is a little relief in seeing that Landon Donovan isn't the only one at this WC that seems to more often than not put the ball into the upper tier seating. Maybe it is the ball.
And don't tell me Germany negates that argument, of course they scored 4 goals, they've probably been using that ball in practice for 6 months.
As for the horns, I've actually been able to tune them out. It's like when I lived next door to a guy who used .38 Special as his "lovemaking" music when he dated a nympho. After a week, I was mentally able to eliminate the noise. I don't even hear the vuvuluslusulus any more.
Sorry about the Soccerroos. Not only does Die Mannschaft get the 3 points, in the event their subsequent games don't go well they get a nice goal differential as well.
And on a side note, I had a business meeting with a Cameroonian last Thursday, who was hoping Cameroon loses (he is cheering for the US), because the team is supported by the current government, and he despises the current government.
Hey Steve. Socceroos played bad and deserved to lose, so can't complain about that. Watching even Brazil struggling to hit anything from distance vs PRK - and hearing Steve Nicol talking about the MLS experiences with a very similar ball to the Jabulani - I think the combo of the ball and the altitude (at many of the venues) is really bollocksing long range shooting. Partly why NZ-SVK saw both sides keeping it resolutely on the deck - and partly why it was such a dreadful game for the neutral. For the Kiwis though... *national day of celebration*
Regardless if they're expected to do well or not, nobody likes to see their team lose.
So how far do the Kiwis have to go before they have exceeded the success of the Rugby team?
Brazil would have done better without Robinho. They will soon learn what Man City figured out months ago..
1) Vuvuzelas
2) Its fucking winter in SA, with game temperatures >10 degrees meaning no hot fans in bras and miniskirts
3) Africa
4) Nobody is scoring
5) Draws
Oh dear.
I wish I knew something about football so I could be an active participant in this discussion.
*Sigh*
Lobes, that's a completely inaccurate statement. Lots of people are scoring:
1. Germany
2. Denmark's defense
3. England's keeper
4. That dude from Uruguay
Now I know what Gary Coleman was doing before he died. He was posing for the "How to use a vuvuzela" card as seen on this blog.
As for Adam H, we are all free to make opinions without being harassed. Oh wait, you weren't slagged for your opinions, but I'll rectify it now. You're a C*NT......puncher
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