Man Who Used Stick To Roll Ball Into Hole In Ground Praised For His Courage
SAN DIEGO—A man who used several different bent sticks to hit a ball to an area comprised of very short grass surrounding a hole in the ground was praised for his courage Monday after he used a somewhat smaller stick to gently roll the ball into the aforementioned hole in fewer attempts than his competitors. "What guts, what confidence," ESPN commentator Scott Van Pelt said of the man, who was evidently unable to carry his sticks himself, employing someone else to hold the sticks and manipulate the flag sticking out of the hole in the ground while he rolled the ball into it. "You have to be so brave, so self-assured, so strong mentally to [roll a ball into a hole in the ground]. Amazing." The man in question apparently hurt his knee during this activity.
Yes. Meanwhile, in a battle of two different sorts of birdies...
YOBBO ON EURO: DAY 14 | QF2
Stoned Cros plucked like Turkeys
and other fucking horrible bird-related puns which we'll skip over hurriedly
We begin with controversial racism. People of Europe, if you are seeking a leader... don't look towards Turkey. Turks aren't leaders. They're mere followers. They are the Alex Crivilles (wow, really obscure MotoGP reference, getting down with the kids) of the era. They are the EPO'd-up Tour de France sprinter emerging from the pursuing peleton in the last fifty yards to run down the breakaway who led all day and who deserved the stage win far more. They are late-arriving, fluke-artist arrivistes.
OK, that's largely bitterness at the prospect of the ludicrously entertaining 'Roy' Slaven Bilic no longer bounding up and down the touchline like the Energizer Bunny on P, now that Croatia are on the bus home following their penalty shootout loss to Turkey. And obviously on behalf of our Balkan Contingent (i.e. the Cro who flew West.) But let's face it. Turkey have now played four games at EURO 2008, some three hundred and ninety minutes of competitive football. They have been in the lead for two. Second half injury time winner against Switzerland; second half injury time equalizer AND winner against the Czech Republic; extra time second half injury time Edward Woodward against Croatia. Well into the second minute of the one minute of time to be added on, one might add. Roy Slaven's haranging of the referee at full time (in the centre of the pitch - SOMEONE's getting a long touchline ban from UEFA when they get home) was presumably ref getting the battery in his watch fixed sometime soon.
On the balance of play across 120 minutes Croatia did deserve to win more than Turkey, and would have if (a) we were still rolling with them retro Golden Goal styles (soooo last millennium) or (b) if any of Team Tablecloth's strikers could hit a cow's arse with a banjo, or could convert even one in every ten chances presented to them by the likes of Modric and Rakitic down the flanks. Ivica Olic (whose name loosely translates as 'Luca Toni') wasted more opportunities to score than an overly picky fat bloke at Santa Fe Gold. Or that Orkland rub and tug shop the English rugger buggers got themselves in trouble at. Come the ridiculously late leveller, the Croatians were rubble - utterly destroyed to a man, Slaven inclusive. No wonder they rolled into penalties with the confidence of a no-stars trainee lion tamer and the collective accuracy of a Seppo airstrike - presumably the photographers being bombarded either side of the posts were Pakistanis.
Choose your own caption:
(a) More birdwatching
(b) Ah, Croatian chicks. They're.... loud
(c) Best to avoid anyone with a chequered past
(d) Already laid the table for dinner have we?
(e) Dammit, why couldn't the Swedes had made the second round
Tonight: the Oranje Crush vs the Arse Shavings.
The Doctor is OUT.
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