This man needs a steak and a beer

Peter Siddle was on my television this morning. At least, it looked like Peter Siddle. Albeit a strangely shrunken, drawn variant thereof, as though the Alpha Bogan of Austrayan Criggit had somehow been transmuted into a parallel universe and replaced by a malnourished doppelganger. Perhaps the result of Criggit Astraya taking its state-level sponsorship deal with a certain cuntiferous health insurer a little too far. Or perhaps it was an elaborate Halloween stunt on the part of CA to have Seat Piddler front the media made up to look like Skeletor. No, not Jessica Rowe, the REAL one. But no, as the story turns out; apparently this anaemic looking Siddle is entirely Part Of The Plan. On the encouragement of his girlfriend, he's dumped meat and booze, and a bunch of weight.

Of all the fucking terrible ideas Seat Piddler has ever had - up to and including the soul patch and the Southern Cross tatt which makes him look like an out-of-work Cronulla lifeguard looking for Lebs to punch on with - this is by far the fucking most terriblest.

Not just because he now looks spindlier than Bruce 'They're trying to sticky-tape him back together' Reid.

Not just because all great fast bowlers should be fuelled on raw red meat and boots up the arse from Captain Grumpy.

And not just because the much-vaunted, new-look, leaner-and-meaner Siddle got taken to the fucking cleaners by a hundred-year-old angry midget from Launceston in his most recent Shield outing.

No, more than all of that, because of the dangerous precedent set by the last hero-worshipped Victorian sporting legend who suddenly turned vegetarian and teetotal on the urgings of his missus...

Smirk all you want, but hear this: it's a slippery slope. All I'm saying is if Siddle turns up next summer promoting the fuck out of a cricket bat with a matchbox of crystals and glitter Sellotaped to the splice, you can't say you weren't warned.

'Course this won't actually be a problem in the cricket world, they're used to boxes full of bollocks.

The Doctor is OUT.