So we're agreed, Milan aren't short of decent midfielders. So, pray tell, why the hell are they desperately trying to armwrestle the Seppos about getting some washed up former England captain into the squad? To the point where every second fucking football story on the internerd at the moment is about whether, why or how David Beckham will extricate himself from his binding contract at MLS joke club LA Galaxy in order to make his loan deal with i rossoneri permanent.
Beckham had a reputation for choking in the big games
I've actually sat up (OK, got up) and watched Beckham play for Milan several times in the past month (OK, three) and, bless him, he's trying very hard not to look old and washed up. He's diving into tackles and running up and down like a man with Tabasco on his gronnicks. His involvement in the game, his 'work rate', which the English seem to rate above and beyond talent or technique in their assessment of a player's worth, has been impressive.
BUT. And it's a BIG but...
...which means it sure as hell ain't the one on his skeletal fucking missus. The Big But is this. He's quite rubbish at actually doing anything particularly intelligent with the football. His crosses, corners and free kicks - i.e. everything that he's actually being paid to do as a right sided midfielder, and more pointedly, everything Brand Beckham has historically held true and stood for, other than dressing like a ponce, getting a series of haircuts best described as 'Liberace gay', getting mispelt tattoos in foreign languages, and giving interviews like someone with a mild brain injury - have generally been underhit badly. And if not underhit, misdirected. Or both. It'd be like me turning up at work saying 'Well, I'm shit at research, but Jesus fuck I'm good at making farty sounds with my hands. Will that do?' And while I am, and do, that's not the point. The point is that for a man supposedly brought into the Milan team for his ability, he's doing a stellar impersonation of a man brought into the Milan team for, I don't know, his ability to kick-start team shirt sales.
Job done, apparently.
So given all that, why the hell do Milan actually want to hang onto their washed up old nag in preference to their packed stable of younger, faster thoroughbreds with shiny coats who DON'T have the mange?
I don't have the answer to this. Possibly because I'm not privy to Milan's thinking on the matter. But probably because I'm still hungover to fuck from the cricket last night.
Speaking of which... back in a bit with Part Two of this rant (after a seamless segue like that, how could you not be compelled to come back?)
The Doctor is OUT.
2 comments:
Does AC Milan favor the plodding defensive style that the Italian national team uses? If so, if it's simply slowing the game down and waiting for a mistake from the other team, mixed in with the Italian tradition of pretending you're shot on the field everytime you touch an opponent, Beckham should do that nicely.
Maldini, Nesta and Zambrotta anchor their defence. Does that answer your question?
I left Rino Gattuso out of that list of creative Milan midfielders. Largely because the outlet to his 'creativity' is coming up with new and exciting ways to axe the shit out of hapless opposition players on the ball.
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