Pics, drugs and rock and roll

We start, as always, with bollocks. Lots of them. Huge green ones, in fact. It's not just the Hulk who can boast a load of massive green bollocks, you know.

This just in: Formula One is not that good for the environment
Actually, to be honest, it's the most environmentally vandalous, wantonly wasteful forms of international sport around. Teams, most of which owned by massive multinational car manufacturers, piss away hundreds of millions of dollars a year in order to shave pube-widths off lap times and get a marketing edge over their fellow massive multinational car manufacturer competitors. Million dollar motors are junked every second event; hundreds of tyres and thousands of litres of fuel are poured onto the bonfire of the teams' collective vanities each and every test and race weekend.

In short, Formula One is an environmental clusterfuck.

So say, theoretically, you happen to be one of the world's largest car manufacturers. And you happen to own a team or two in the F1 circus. And, let's say, you've been one of the first to vault onto the green bandwagon, having vigourously pedalled the hybrid car story in your marketing bumpf. So how exactly are you going to get around the fact that your deep and unavoidable involvement in aforesaid environmental clusterfuck isn't doing a great deal for your green credentials?

I know, said Honda's PR weasels, between hoovering lines of powder big enough to scare Diego the Dago.
Let's paint the car like a stylised representation of Earth so piss-poor it would embarrass Ken Done, and get our hired driver-monkeys to spin some bollocks about global warming.















So this, folks, is the 'green' Honda F1 car. 'Green' as in 'backs', presumably - the ones they burnt by the pallet in order to fund the fucking enterprise.

Is it a hybrid?
Uh, no.

Does it run on biofuel?
No it does not.

Is it in any way more fuel efficient than any other car on the F1 grid?
Or, say, than the Space Shuttle?
Doesn't fucking appear so, given it uses just the fifty-odd litres per hundred km, just like every other bastard. Not to mention the fact the thing will only go 1400km max before blowing up.
Insert Challenger/Columbia joke here.

So is this just the most superficial marketing wankfest in the history of the universe?
Uh, pretty much.

Will this actually make them more likely to win an actual fucking RACE, other than completely by arse like Jenson Buttocks in Hungary last year?
That would be No.
But they will be the most environmentally aware minor placegetters in F1 history.


A word tells 1/1000th of a picture














Well Schumacher should have put the little yappy fucker on a leash if he's going to bring it to the race track
















Usually it's just Beckham's missus the fans sing this song about




















Static's a bitch this time of year ain't it?

















NASCAR team rues driver's Jack Daniels sponsorship contra deal
















Smartarse sports photographer scores cheap points at expense of fat bald man with mutant teeth






















Indianapolis man celebrated for inventing world's most advanced marital aid


Drugs are bad, mmmkay
Following the news that Pakistan will be taking cheating drug-addled bastards Admiral Akhbar and Drugfree Asif to the World Cup, Canada have announced they have dropped not-very-Canadian ring-in Jon Davison from their World Cup squad in favour of a controversial recall for little known quick Ben Johnson. The Canuck selectors have, in their own words, been 'oot and aboot' and are convinced that while Johnson's batting technique is somewhat suspect, he is remarkably (some would say suspiciously) quick between wickets. In related news, Australia have recalled Warnie, NSW have been in touch with Wendy Sailor, and Queensland have signed Andrew Walker. No, seriously, they have. Steady Eddie Jones would be well advised to keep him off the wings on the prospect of him being distracted by the sidelines.


The other Thorpedo
And finally... Vale Billy Thorpe, a true legend of Australian rock. Most people I know think that I'm crazy too, but I can't punch holes in walls simply by means of bashing seven shades of shite out of a overdriven Gibson Les Paul cranked to eleven.


The Doctor is OUT.