Well, there's a problem with that.
Nothing funny has happened in sport in the past two weeks.
Nothing at all.
There is nothing funny about losing to England in cricket. Nor is there anything remotely amusing about Otago's underdog provincial cricketers making the finals of the domestic 20- and 50-over competitions then getting absolutely annihilated by the JAFAs in both matches. Nor does it seem in any way humourous that every Strayan Super 14 side capitulated hideously in the most recent round, other than that team of flotsam, residue and leftovers out west coached by the most vehemently despised former All Black coach of modern times, largely for his inability to stop talking bollocks about his 'journey' and other synergy-leveraging management wankspeak. South Africa are on the verge of becoming the world's top-ranked ODI cricket side; Man Utd are now unbackable favourites to win the Premiership on the back of Cristi Ronaldo's Louganis-like efforts (both in terms of diving and being totally gay); in the A1GP, ze Chermans are pissing it in; the A-League Grand Final will be played between Melbourne and Adelaide, in the most cast-iron, gold-plated, Teflon-coated Who Cares Fixture of all time; and Craig Gower got on the piss and made a fucking idiot of himself in public yet again. None of these things are funny. Particularly Gower. There, my friends, is a congenitally demented bogan who needs to figure out he really should give up the fucking drink, pronto.
In short, the last sporting fortnight has been about as funny as Rove McManus. (He's had long enough, time to start putting the boot in again.) So instead we would like to bring the following to your attention:
Eddie McGuire wants to bone Humphrey B. Bear.
That's right folks, Channel Nine reichfuhrer and acclaimed knob Edward McGuire, not content with exorcising Skeletor from morning TV, wants to bone Humphrey as well. Granted, Humphrey spends much of his time without any pants on, which could be construed as overly provocative and could potentially incite Humphrey being boned against his will (particularly in the opinions of high court judges from his home state of South Australia). This is the latest in a string of high-profile incidents in which bears have been boned, as presented in our Rather Dodgy Looking News Graphic below (just double-click the button to enlarge it, as the actress said to the bishop, or something):
As that's about all we can Bear for this Weak...
The Doctor is OUT.
3 comments:
You know the old adage that Australia could send the 2nd XI to the World Cup and still win?
I think we might get the chance.
Hayden: Broken toe - gone
Gilchrist: Out of form
Ponting: Hip strain
Clarke: Hip strain
Symonds: Torn bicep - gone
Hussey: phew!
White: The Shahid Afridi of Australian cricket. Can't bowl - can get runs when we don't need them. Gets 50 or 0.
Lee: Torn ankle ligaments - gone.
Hogg: Tight but predictable - not Warnie.
Tait: Fast and wide. Occasionally gets ball on stumps.
Johnson: Swings the ball in the first over - then gets hit for 20 off the following 2.
Clark: Must've rooted selectors wife - gone.
Bracken: Hair could malfunction at any time - more interested in said hair than wickets
McGrath: Old and slowing down. Fortunately most batsmen still having recurring nightmares of his heyday and he goes ok.
Oh dear.
Another analogy:
England's remarkable reversal of form can be likened to the man running back into a burning building to try and save the baby, and coming back out with the cat. Sure it's a nice cat, and you like it, but it really wasn't what you were hoping for. Still, it's a nice cat - and all you can do is stroke it.
Courtesy of Mr Fitzsimons :P
I agree with all of that. Particularly the reference to English pussy being totally manky. Not even for practice, I tell yers.
What do you mean, that wasn't what he was on about?
Post a Comment