Once, twice, three times a twat

Three-time Formula One World Champions don't grow on trees. Because that would be beyond be-leaf. To be a living three (or more) time world champion was and is pretty much the azimuth of world motorsport achievement. Even in retirement, the role requires dignity and gravitas, as per Sir Jack Brabham. Or gritty death-defying stoicism in the face of odds, as per Niki Lauda. Or tartan trousers and ready rent-a-quote availability, as per Sir Jackie Stewart. The role requires you to carry yourself with the statesmanship of a living legend and an ambassador for the sport.

Not all three-time world champions got that memo, however.

Sebastian Vettel won three Formula One World Championships consecutively between 2010 and 2012. Yet, if this photograph is all that remains as THE lasting image of his career, more the better. Sebieber has partaken in some deeply cretinous wacky-und-craaazy-guy stunts on behalf of his paymasters at Red Bull over the years, but this would have to rank amidst the deepliest cretinousest of them all. Of course, the takeaway we're meant to take away is that Sebieber IS a wacky-und-craaazy-guy and all that being-a-precious-twat in his day job is not relevant to the discussion. Problem is, his precious twattiness appears to be ramping up faster than Red Bull's stunt directors can invent wacky-und-crazy-guy things for him to do. Starring in your own crappy kung fu film only buys you so much PR gloss when your followup is to precious-twat-it-up by 'beating' your teammate with one hand tied behind his back by his team.

It's a fact that Sebieber will retire a three-or-more-times world champion. It's also a fact that the overwhelming majority of Anglophonic F1 fans will consider him a precious twat, and no matter of increasingly desperate wacky-und-craaazy Red Bull photo ops will change that.

The Doctor is OUT.