Assange's stint in Hi-5 was a short onePersonally, whether you think Wikileaks is a Force for Awesome or something which needs to be shut the fuck down faster than Warnie's career as a variety show host, it seems clear to me that the response from Foggy Bottom needs to be measured, proportional and appropriate. So what I'm suggesting is that the US sets up a dot-org website to systematically release diplomatically awkward information about Julian Assange, which while essentially low-level and no-shit-Sherlock of nature, would nonetheless embarrass him on the world stage and cause him to have to apologise a shitload.
Such as:
- He was a bedwetter.
- He's never been able to form meaningful relationships.
- His real name is Dave Brown but he changed it to sound more International Man Of Mystery.
- He picks his nose.
- And eats it.
- He was the one who took the last Tim Tam from the Wikileaks office fridge. And lied about it. So much for being a crusader for truth.
- He totally plagiarised all that Wikileaks stuff from other people's material. Diplomats mostly.
- He cheats at Solitaire.
I think that would be an appropriate response. The only problem with it, as far as I can see, is coming up with a suitable name and URL. For some reason I'm not thinking assleaks.org is going to convey the appropriate tone.
The Doctor is OUT.
14 comments:
Nice one, best post I've enjoyed on the whole wikileaks thing.
Dude's gonna run out of material soon. The only reason the Seppo's are the primary target is because that's all he's got. That "I wanna make friends in Guantanamo" bloke that treasoned himself out for whatever reason can't cough up shit now.
Personally, if I was the CIA - like a Goonies version - I'd release secrets to him from the Beardy Nutters. Then his arse will be TRULY shut down.
Erm what secrets could they release that Al Qaeda would give a shit about? Nah I think whistleblowers are handing stuff over to him all the time. It wasn't Manning who gave him all the massive swathe of info they posted most recently. I also understand he's moving into industrial/commercial espionage, the next lot of stuff is about dodgy bank deals.
Al Qaeda? Try Iran, or the Saudis.
Iran have already dismissed Wikileaks as a US propaganda exercise - and it's not like their people will ever get to read whatever gets released so they're never going to give a shit about it enough to try and take out a foreign national on foreign soil. You're massively overestimating their strike power if you think they can get to a random dude in England, they can't even knock off a 20 year old Iranian woman in the streets without it blowing up in their face. The Saudis ditto, they have no muscle, hence why they're always on at the Seppos to beat up Iran for them - they've already been embarrassed by this lot of cables for saying as much.
Interestingly, Assange was growing up on Magnetic Island around the same time I was growing up in Townsville (he's about 5 years older). That makes me a fairly qualified source for assleaks.org I'd suggest. I'd second any motions of Mini Moke-related crimes. There was also that time when the fish tank in the beach pub was filled with baby crocs. I reckon that was him.
"I'm suggesting that the US sets up a dot-org website to systematically release diplomatically awkward information about Julian Assange."
Isn't that what they're doing? I think the website is something like www.foxnews.org, oh no that's .com
The rumours go something like:
"Hey Sweden, you know he raped someone there once, right? Right?"
"Hey did you hear that what this guy did is illegal?
...
No, I don't know which law he broke either."
"He's a member of a terrorist organisation!
...
How do I know?
...
Cause we'll call any organisation he's a member of terrorists."
"This will cause the death of innocent people - Vlad has killed for less than being called an 'alpha dog'"
Interesting story on the BBC asking the question most of the Seppo media has taken as a given - have the Wikileaks releases actually cost lives? - to which the answer (from the Afghanistan war logs stuff anyway) appears to be no
The media will get bored eventually. Probably around the time people start realizing he's no Guy Fawlkes, but some sociopathic twat.
Maybe, but as long as Wikileaks keep bringing the content, the media will follow. They're lazy as fuck like that. For WL's part you can see they've learned a lot about media management - for one thing they've stepped away from active editorializing on stories (eg the Collateral Murder debacle which I know is dear to your heart Moko) towards just dripfeeding the info in media-bite-size pieces (because there's no way the media are going to trawl thru all those releases themselves) and letting the "professional journalists" (I use that term advisedly) of the media do the analysis and reportage. So I see them sustaining this for as long as they're operational. At some point Assange will stop being the story because he isn't the story - Wikileaks isn't just him acting alone, as much as Al Qaeda is just bin Laden. The media (esp the Septics) have had a serious cult-of-personality fail on this. As GrogsGamut said on Twitter, govts seem to think that all they need to to is get Assange and it all stops, as though he's got all the files stored on his Commodore 64.
Apparently Arselunge has got some "thermonuclear information" - (as said by his lawyer who said he's innocent of rape so that makes him innocent .... apparently) - that he'll release if he's ever taken out.
Yeah, I think he's being fed shit by some, but I still think that "I wanna make friends in Gitmo" bloke is the main leak. Still picking it'll dry up. Kinda like the fella that scored a truck load of export meat from a truck that crashed. Right now, he's the shit, but soon ... even two years from now ... but soon, the creek will dry.
...and that Collateral "Murder" horse shit is only dear to my heart because I was THE ONLY one at that particular moment saying "Hang on a minute" and got CRUCIFIED for it on YouTube.
Turns out, I was right.
To me he's one of those kids you see in high school who gets spoiled rotten and doesn't share his peanut butter sangers. I really don't give a fuck about what Wikileaks uncovers unless its my bar bill but Assange is really stretching his 15 minutes big time.
And you're right, he probably wets his bed.
Well, I posted on it already.
I think at some time Mr Assange might end up as part of an onramp or fish food. Whether we or some other nation/organization makes it happen is an open question.
Blaming him for the leaks, though, is like blaming the waitress because the steak is tough. The people doing the leaking should be punished. I might could make an espionage case on Manning. Under the UCMJ, that can be a capital offense depending on what is leaked to whom-and how good the lawyers are.
Call me Neanderthal-but that's how I see it.
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