Animal husbandry

From one of Your Correspondent's fellow Twunterers, who shall remain nameless *coughhavock21cough*:

"coffee, furry & gazing at young nubile wenches at DFO outlet coffee shop.fk me"

Now, the Major claims he was befuddled by auto-correct on his Jesus Phone and meant 'durry' rather than 'furry', but this is patent nonsense, as to my mind noone better fits the build of a furry than him, because he's bony-arsed enough to fit in the suit. A furry, it seems, is an individual, presumably of sound mind, who chooses to dress up in fake animal costumes in order to... erm... meet similar like-minded individuals in similar animal suits with similar suspiciously-placed velcro zips. As first described, I believe, in a Monty Python sketch many many years ago.



See, you knew those Wilderness Society Koala dudes were weird fuckers. Literally, as it turns out.

A furry is not to be confused with a plushy, which is very different; that's someone with a fetish for performing sexual acts with stuffed animals. FAO gents on the dating circuit - those girls who grew up with the oversized teddy bears in their bedrooms, keep an eye on them. Particularly if they don't immediately suggest Big Ted turns to face the wall while you and she are gettin' it ORHNNN.

All of this leaves unanswered the question of what do you call someone who dresses in an animal suit in order to interfere with a stuffed animal? A Flushie? A Plurry? A McSlurry? I don't know but sure as shit PETA wouldn't approve. Then again their latest nuded-up spokesbimbette is porn actress Sasha Grey, who's quite familiar with being stuffed by animals I dare say. (In the abstract sense, of course. Being unfamiliar with her body of work - see what I did there? - I am unaware whether she's done any 'Amsterdam' gear.) Ms Grey's utilization in a pro-neutering ad does seem somewhat hypocritical and misguided - as well as the fact that, as Squire Bedak points out, PETA were grievously negligent in missing the opportunity for taglines such as 'Neuter your pussy' or 'Put an end to doggy style' - though clearly, there are limits to her credible employment in PETA's other campaigns. Promoting veganism, f'rinstance, might seem hypocritical for someone who spends a lot of time swallowing red meat. (OK, that's a cheap shot. I'm sure she now wishes to be considered as a 'serious' actress and isn't interested in being cornholed. Erm, pigeonholed.)

Obviously, as a wide-eyed kid from the country, I was and remain shocked and horrified by the entire concept of furries, plushies, fluffies and sloppies. As you can imagine, the conversation where the difference between furries and plushies was explained to me was among the more disturbing experiences in my current workplace. Suffice to say we in the lab have learned NEVER to Google Image Search names of potential students to find out what they look like before coming to chat about projects.

O. M. F. G.

The Doctor is OUT.