Hopefully the hangover will clear by the top ten shootout next year

THIS WEAK ON MYTHBUSTERS:
We finally answer the question that has been plaguing and terrorising viewers since day one. No, not which one of them is the gay one.
The question is: Are red cars faster than blue ones?















No.














And no.


MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH...
Some weird things happened on the way to your correspondent getting totally mucking funted watching the Peter Brock Memorial SuperBrockAuto Brockhurst 1000.05 at Mount Brockarama. Including the following astonishing, one-off, never to be repeated phenomena:
- Michael Schumacher expired in a cloud of smoke and a hearty Hi-Ho Retirement for the first time since the US Grand Prix at Indianapolis, 2001
- Otago's injury-debilitated provincial rugby side absolutely Took Apart in-form Ranfurly Shield holders North Harbour by fifty-something to not much in the quarter-finals of the Air New Zealand Cup
And most astounding of all:
- Jeremy Clarkson admitted to being 'a bit of a dick' on Top Gear.

But the big story of the weekend was the Brock One Thousand, scene of several award-winning performances. Anyone else sense another dose of the Dodgies coming on? No? Just me? Must have been that iffy Hero roll from the servo on the way back from the Bowler.

THE DODGY AWARDS: SUPER CHEAP 'N' NASTY PLASTIC SHIT MADE IN CHINA FOR FUCK ALL AND SHIPPED OVER IN A BIG FUCK-OFF CRATE AUTO 1000 EDITION

Best Performance in a Cameo Role: Mark Skaife, Holden Precision Crashing Team
You don't get much more 'cameo' than thirty seconds. Plus he was kind enough to drop the F-bomb on Racecam, which as we've observed in previous media commitments, was a skolling offence. Say what you like, the guy is clutch. (At least HRT have one of the fuckers that actually works now.)

Best Performance in a Recurring Role: That fugly Chrysler that looks like a Mafia staff car, SuperCheapAuto 1000 safety car
Turning up more regularly than Ray Martin at a celebrity funeral, the Chrysler 300C safety car logged more laps than both HRT cars combined, taking ten curtain calls. Which as we've observed in previous media commitments, was also a skolling offence.

Best Atention to Detale: whoever was running the spellchecker at the graphic shop which did the stickers for the WPS Falcons
The WPS team, unlike most of the V8 Supercar field, don't receive from either major manufacturer, and proudly advertised this on their windscreen banners for the Great Race. With a big, bold, shiny sticker proclaiming that they were 'INDEPENDANT'. Independent of a fuckin' dictionary, apparently. This wasn't a skolling offence, but we drank anyway.

The R. J. L. Hawke Memorial Bathrobe for Going the Blub in the Line of Duty: The Lownd, Triple 8 Lucky Star Golden Palace Online Casino and Race Engineering Workshop
He cried before the race. He cried after the race. He probably cried during the race, and he certainly cried when he got home, a Bathurst winner once more, to find out his wife was still as alarmingly unattractive as she was when he left home as just a washed-up former Bathurst winner. Slagging off Lowndes' missus wasn't a skolling offence, but it helped.

The Peter Brock King Of The Mountain Trophy for Man Of The Race, Bathurst 2006: Old mate at the Bowler who put $10 into the pokies, pulled out $200, and proceeded to spend it all on jugs of Speights for Team Pisshead
Zero-Five may no longer be alive, but the spirit of Bathurst lives on.
Who says PhD students aren't of use to society.


PON-TANG CLAN AIN'T NOTHIN' TO FUCK WITH
Yup, it's cricket season already. The first domestic game of the Strayan summer begins this week, with Queensland taking on Tasmania, or Victoria, or some bunch of randoms. Who gives a shit. It's not as if a man needs an excuse to drink all day during summer. Meanwhile, on the subcontinent, the ICC Not Really Very Important Trophy is in the prequalifying stages, with Sri Lanka and the Windies installing the predicted Rheem in the Bangers and the Zimmers. Soon they'll be joined by the other international teams who can actually play one-day cricket, and England, to play off for the coveted (by someone, surely) bit of silverware. Favourites, as usual, are the canary yellow contingent (that's Strayan gold my friend and don't you etc) led by hairy BO-affected midget Richie Pontingham. That is if extremists don't attempt to fuck with their shit first - and by extremists we don't mean dickheads with random hair paragliding down black diamond ski runs with their pubic hair on fire... although that would be an interesting way to draw attention to your political cause.

The Doctor is OUT.