The Tour De Lycra Pants (thanks v. much Big Bad Al) hasn't even left the Alps and is already a shot duck as regards the highest step of the podium, courtesy Our Cadel blowing the fuck up on the slopes of the Col de Somethingorothere and Unky Rupert's blokes on spokes having predetermined that hereto-piss-average British sideburn enthusiast Bradley Wiggins shall win the event over African import Christopher Frooooome, on the basis of... well... fuck knows, really. Same logic by which they denied Froome a shot at the Vuelta last year. Same story as when Armstrong was nominal domestique to C*ntador in 2009, although Armstrong never looked like he was in shape to actually finish over the top of his nominal team leader that year. Probably needed to eat more red meat.
So that's pretty much fucked TDF 2012 in terms of a spectacle - even the enjoyment of watching Froome and Wiggins' missus scragfight on Twitter has been taken away from us now that Mrs Wiggo has taken her bat and ball and gone home - but hey, we'll watch anyway. It's a big event, it demands its own respect, and even if the result is boxed, bagged and buried, we'll hang in for the ride.
Unless our intelligence is insulted by something deeply fucking cretinous uttered by the winner-elect, of course. But that'd seem monumentally unlikely, surely.
Bradley Wiggins, overnight in a Guardian op-ed:
"There is a different culture in British cycling. Britain is a country where doping is not morally acceptable..."
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU BLITHERING TWAT. ON THE SAME DAY DAVID MILLAR* WON A FUCKING STAGE YOU COME OUT WITH THIS BUCKET OF SANCTIMONIOUS BOLLOCKS. FOR FUCKING SHAME SON.
*It was the Scotsman's first individual victory since his return in 2006 from a two-year suspension imposed after he had admitted using EPO under interrogation by the French police.
"I think Dave is one of the exceptions to the rule because of the things he's said since he came back," backpedalled Wiggo. Cough, splutter. And OK, Millar is militantly anti-the-gear now, but it wasn't on a fucking Pakistani passport where he doped in the first place. In the current climate of doping clouds hanging over everyone (yes, EVERYONE), in a world where Armstrong's ten years of denials are looking increasingly bogus and shabby, and in an environment where members of your medical staff have significant form in the art of making people ride better than nature would permit, you don't come out with intelligence-insulting arsesnot like this. You. Just. Don't.
Just shut up and ride the bike, son. And have a fucking shave while you're at it.
The Doctor is OUT.
