Tumblarghhh

So, Tumblr. Like fixies with baskets and questionable facial hair, it's a hipster thing. Blogging? Having to come up with more than a few paras of coherent thought? Soooo web 2.0. Which is an irony, given that most of Tumblr is given across to reblogging other people's content, thus demonstrating how much of a gormless, derivative mass your typical e-hipster douche tends to herd in. Of all social media platforms, Tumblr is categorically the most cataclysmically vain, sneering, self-immersed and anti-creative of all. It's safe to say that Your Correspondent will never, as long as my arse points south, have a Tumblr.

Mainly because I can't think of a fucking theme, dammit.

For you HAVE to have a theme for your Tumblr. Whether it's dead dictators doing stuff and/or things, or owls in need of a Powerade and a kebab, Ben Hilfenhaus style, theme is king of Tumblr. And I've got NUTHIN. Nothing that would last more than a handful of posts without petering out to dismality.

If I did have a Tumblr it would be probably called SPOILER ALERT. And it would look something like this:


...At which point I'd already be starting to reblog (an e-hipster term meaning 'steal') content from other sites, a clear sign I'd run out of ideas (a phrase for which there is no e-hipster term). The only response to which would be to start posting pictures of dodgy personalised plates:


That last one was a BMW, but you probably guessed that anyway.

The Doctor is OUT. Of Tumblr ideas, particularly.